Comfort

The Crash

This "riff-off"- thing in the manchild's basement had been a disaster for the Bellas. Another round of DSM asserting dominance right in the Bellas' territory. Beca was far more than tipsy and feeling slightly nauseous. She tried to recap the day as she sat with her head on the bar counter. The internship, rehearsals, then this. No time for food. Like, there was food at the party but she hadn't done anything to earn it today. No gym, no run, no food then. Also made it easier to get drunk quickly. She didn't know when exactly it had started, but she knew for sure that she had been hating every minute of her life for quite a while now. Honestly, she had stopped caring about most things. Sure, Jesse cheating was shit, but it also didn't surprise her. Even though she felt drained all the time, there was no time to rest. With everything going on with college, the Bellas and her internship, she barely got any free time at all. Just keep going, at least by daytime. Relax with some wine when you get home, go to bed, repeat. What had started as a treat for hard work had become compensation for it and finally it was just a noise canceller for her thoughts, and eventually a glass of wine turned into a bottle every night. And still, while she knew this wasn't normal or healthy, Beca also knew she had to keep going, and in order to keep going she needed something to drown everything out every now and then. As long as it didn't get out of hand, it would be fine.

Tonight though, she was feeling like utter shit. Working all day, seeing Jesse, being annoyed by the attractive German lady and Chloe losing her mind over the upcoming world's was just too much to handle for one night.

"Tiny Maus, had a bit too much to drink?", a taunting voice appeared behind her. Beca lifted her head from the counter. "Why would you care?" Beca played sober, which she had become quite good at since she lived with a bunch of girls of which many studied psychology and thought of themselves as the next Freud or something. She wanted the woman to leave her alone. After this day, the last thing she could use was more comments about her height or poor performance.

"Ts, ts, ts..", The woman scolded. "Be more polite to your rival, will you? Poor sportsmanship." As their eyes met and Kommissar then eyed Beca up and down, for a moment a hint of warmth glistened in the German's eyes. It disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, and she turned to the bartender. "Holst du ihr ein Wasser, bitte?" Beca was confused about the sudden language switch but the bartender and the Kommissar seemed to know each other and he seemed to understand German, as he nodded and put a glass of water on the counter in front of Beca seconds later. "Uh..Thanks?", Beca tried to limit her talking to a minimum, as to avoid embarrassing herself with any more aggressive compliments towards the German. "What do you want from me?", Beca asked. "I want you to go home and have a good nights sleep." The woman responded with not a hint of irony in her voice. Beca was confused. "Sorry what?". "Maus, you're not doing okay. Your skin is pale, you have dark rings around your eyes and last time we met, the bones in your face weren't poking my eyes out." "Excuse me?", Now Beca was offended. This woman didn't know shit about her and had no right to talk to her like this. "I don't mean to upset you." There was neither a smile, nor a taunting grin on the Kommisar's face. She was still dead serious. "But you are the opposite of okay, and if you react like this, it seems like no one has told you yet, so it's even more important I do." Beca thought she saw a hint of genuine worry in the blonde's eyes, but whatever it was, it vanished in a heartbeat. "I don't know what's going on with you and I have no right to want to know, but I can tell that because you've changed this much in a few week's time, something's going on with you that cannot keep happening like this. I will talk to your fellow Bellas about this." "Don't you dare!", Tears rose in Beca's eyes. "You have no fucking idea what you're talking about and noright to interfere with my life like this." With that, Beca set down the glass of water, grabbed her coat from the stool next to her and stormed out the house.

The night was pretty cold and she wasn't dressed for these temperatures. Beca stood a few steps away from the front porch of the weird guy's house and lit up a cigarette wish shaky fingers. At this point, she didn't care if Chloe would catch her smoking. What would she do, certainly not exclude her from the Bellas. They needed her, so she could smoke all she wanted. The first drag sent the familiar feeling of relaxation through her chest, that got a little less tight, and, ironically, the smoking made it slightly easier to breathe again.

"It's gonna kill you, you know?" Fucking hell. "The smoking, Maus." Did this woman not know when she had to step the fuck back? The Kommissar walked up to Beca and stood next to her for a second, gazing out onto the street. No matter how arrogant and annoying this woman might was, god she was also hot as fuck. She looked very serious, her perfectly shaped brows slightly furrowed in the light of the street lamps. "I brought you a slice of pizza. I want you to eat it, I'm worried you might pass out."

-"I've had dinner already."

-"Really? What did you have?" The Kommissar looked down on her with piercing grey eyes.

-"I-" Beca was lost for words. Usually she could lie so well everyone believed anything she said, but something told her not to ever lie to the Kommissar.

-"I don't remember. I'm not hungry and I won't pass out."

-"We can share it."

-"I don't want to."

-"Why?"

-"I don't- I just can't."

-"Why?"

-"Because I fucking can't!", and with that, it was over. Her facade had a crack and unavoidably started falling into pieces. To her own surprise, suddenly she let out a violent sob, and quickly pressed her hands to her mouth while squeezing her eyes shut with all the force she had. It was no use. Out came another sob and tear after tear after tear, she was shaking, she struggled to breathe as the violent sobs shook her entire body. Her cigarette had long fallen into the grass. The world around her blurred.

"Sit down, Liebling.", She heard the Kommissar say, suddenly softly. Everything was still blurry. She couldn't breathe. Cold, damp grass underneath her legs as she sat. She only perceived fragments from then on. The Kommissar's low, serious voice close to her all the time. The light of a phone screen. She was on the phone with someone. Chloe's voice and face somewhere, saying something. Chloe shaking Beca at the shoulders. The Kommissar scolding Chloe for it. They fought, Beca thought. A car. No, an ambulance. No. No, no, no. Beca heard herself even say it out loud, as if from far away. She didn't want to see a doctor. She could just keep going. A doctor would just over complicate things. She fought back as the two women tried to guide her to the ambulance. The blue flickering light was making her even dizzier. "No, please!" Chloe's eyes staring into her own. "Chloe please, don't do this!" Beca stumbled and fell. She was too weak to move. The cold grass underneath her neck made her shiver. She felt several people in reflective jackets picking her up gently, and lifted her onto a barrow. They lifted the barrow into the ambulance. Chloe beside her, looking down, tears on her cheeks. The Kommissar's voice behind her head, still in a serious, but slightly warm tone, perhaps even bitter?. Couldn't see her face. "Get well soon, tiny Maus." The doors of the ambulance shut. Seconds later Beca lost consciousness.

Notes: Hi, um so I hope the fandom and bekommissar isn't dead, I love the pairing a lot so i wanted to write about it. Many of the backstory stuff is autobiographic, if you have experienced addiction/ED/mental health issues and your experience was different, I dont mean to offend you, these are just my experiences that I use Wattpad as a coping mechanism for. (Oops) Anyways I hope you enjoyed it and I'll do my best to update as soon as I can. 

-Theo