Thanatophobia

Silence

It's been a week. A week since Dream told him he was his favorite person. A week since George realized how much the faceless influencer meant to him. It scared him, the way his thoughts immediately went towards anything that could happen to ruin what they have. A new friend, a new lover, the internet going down worldwide with no way to communicate... Dream dying. As important to him as Dream is it's also worth noting that it's been a week since they've spoken, setting aside the snaps sent at three am when his anxiety is at its peak, asking if Dream is okay.

 If he's alive. 

He's been like this from a young age, pushing away people he's loved. It's why he prefers to live alone. Noone to miss if he never gets too close. The halls and rooms of his apartment stay comfortable and empty. No roommates, no family, and definitely no pets. It hurts him to know he's pushed Dream away. His heart feels heavy in his chest when he thinks of him.

George knows he isn't right. He knows he isn't handling his stress well. He also knows that he's probably hurting Dream. He hasn't told him of his fear of losing him. It would only make Dream uncomfortable, to tell him how much he means to George and to stop talking to him altogether. Dream would probably try to 'work it out together', but George knows he'll lose Dream too soon. He wouldn't be able to take it.

It's difficult, talking to his friends when they share the same friend group. They've already brought him up. ¨Dream says text him back¨ ¨Why isn't Dream joining us?¨ ¨Dream wants to join¨ ¨DREAM SAYS TEXT HIM BACK¨ 

He still streams. He doesn't watch or join streams that Dream participate in or host. He's stopped trying to stream with George and it's been two whole days since Dream has messaged him. It weighs in his chest like a stone, but it's what he wanted. He can't lose him if he doesn't have him. So he streams with his friends and tries to get the blonde out of his mind.

George was having a relatively good time. Streaming with Sapnap and Bad was always a good time. At his desk next to his bed with his knees tucked up on his swivel chair, he's in his comfort zone. They're playing bedwars and the stream is full of laughs until his mind wonders for a tad too long. 

¨GEORGE TURN AROUND¨

He frantically moves his mouse to see an enemy player breaking the bed. The message popping up on his screen that he will not respawn if he is killed. He was meant to be protecting the bed, but he was too tired to even notice someone had towered over him. 

¨I thought you were supposed to be watching it¨ Sapnap doesn't sound too happy. George halfheartedly apologizes and swings his sword at the intruder.

Sapnap fell into the void.

It's just him. Him and three full teams. There's no way he's going to win with how foggy his brain is with fatigue. So, opting out of even trying, he jumps off. 

¨What was that??¨ Bad asks, though he's laughing like he's just won MCC, seeing as he wasn't on their team. George lowers his feet off the chair and lifts his arms up in a stretch, blinking tiredly and rubbing his eyes. His eyes hurt. A discord notification has caused his phone to ping and alight, taking his attention from the stream and his friends. 

Dream: I need to talk to you. Please.

 Everything hurts.

 He checks the time to see they've been streaming for four hours. He figures that's long enough to end his stream without suspicion. 

¨I'm gonna get some sleep. My body is working without my permission.¨

After a very not awkward goodbye and an end to the stream, George turns off his setup and spins in his chair. He very gracefully throws himself into his bed. He's already wearing only a t-shirt and sweatpants so he doesn't bother to change into pajamas. His phone pings again. 

Dream: Please George. 

George drops his phone in his chest, running his hands over his face and through his hair, letting out an anxious sigh. ¨Okay George, you can do this. It's just texting.¨

His phone rings its god-awful default tone, vibrating his chest as his heart sinks at the caller ID.

Dream. Why couldn't he wait 5 seconds? To be fair, George isn't sure he would've texted back either. He lets out one last sigh before answering. ¨Hey, Dream,¨ he whispers. The huffed laugh emitting from his phone does nothing to calm his nerves. ¨George..¨ Dream sounds tired. George wonders if he's sleeping well. ¨You haven't talked to me in a while. Are you... okay?¨ 

He ponders this. Maybe he isn't okay, but if Dream knows that he'll demand to know what's wrong. His pulse quickens from the careful tone his friend has adopted. He sounds hurt. ¨Yeah, Dream. I'm okay.¨ His tongue feels heavy in his mouth at the lie. His eyes begin to water when he feels the longing in his chest. It's been a week too long since he's heard the blonde's voice. 

¨I can hear you're not. We can text if that makes you more comfortable?¨ Dream has read him like a book, and he almost smiles at how much his friend knows him. Almost. 

¨Yeah yeah that's... We can do that. Thank you Dream.¨ He presses the red button before he can get a response. His phone lit up again almost immediately. 

Dream is typing...