"when you grow up and find a real man...." they would say. But whenever i heard that, it sounded off. i never desired that. i always wanted to be with who i loved. it was something that crossed my mind everyday. my mind was clouded with these thoughts, it was messy. who am i? who will i be? what am i? why am i like this?
getting up for school is what i always dreaded, having to wake up and pretend everything was okay. seeing her everyday. seeing them everyday. i always wondered what she saw in him. why did i think this? why am i like this? her always on my mind, when i never crossed hers. staying up until 3am looking at her Instagram, when all she posts is him. i wish i was him. i wish i was close with her. yet i knew deep down, it would never be the same again. she hated me for what happened, oh i just know it.
*One month earlier*
I walk into the same gloomy school full of all the same teenage kids i have to see everyday. none which catch my eye, everyone is bland. watching the football players grope girls in the hall while the basketball boys throw their hands up and laugh. watching cheerleaders lay against the lockers popping gum while on their phone. watching the soccer players laugh around the school huddled up. watching the losers sit in the corner observing everything. which i suppose is me.
i walk into class. there he is. the guy that everyone adores, everyone worships, everyone wants to be friends with, everyone wants to talk to. what's so special about him? he's just so normal. i go to sit down when he jumps up and sits in my seat, "seriously bryce?" i say. he turns at his friends, they laugh. he turns back, "whats up nin?" he squints his brown eyes when he talks. his nose normal. his mouth spread across his face, smiling. one wrinkle going across his forehead, while strands of his hair cover parts of it. annoyed i say, " would you just get up, im not in the mood for this." he has the stupid look on his face, "you know what nin i will, just for you." he stands up and walks to me slowely, he bends down and whispers in my ear."faggot." he turns and walks back to his seat giggling. I sit down trying to ignore what he said, face red.
the bell rings for class to start. five mintues in someone knocks, we all bring our attention to who ever is about to enter. A pretty girl walks in. her hair shiny, down to her shoulders, a flowy dress that reached mid thigh. her beautiful eyes sparkling like a star, with a gorgeous smile. Bryce looks up and whistles, i roll my eyes. she looks at the teacher,"hi im rita."
