I think suicide is the only way for me to get out of this hell hole I'm suck in. There's nothing else I can do to stop all of the abuse I'm surfing. Only other's opinion is to run away but that won't work because I need to find places to stay in for some time and other thing I need to live on the streets. But I'm to scared to die because I know if I die it Break my mom heart. And her knowing the fact one of her children killed themself because of abuse she couldn't stop or prevent it from happening because her child kept it a secret from her. And she will know she failed as a mother to keep her child safe.
Another reason I can't do it is because how should I do that I feel like the best way is to jump but I'm do scared to do so. I always had a fear of death because I don't know what happened after you die who know you can be reborn as someone or be come a angel and look after your family. I don't really know.
When I was younger I all way though " I will never die I will live forever!" Now here I am years later and only thing on my mind was death.
