Lovesick on Siwicki

Chapter 4: You Had Me At "Audio"

Booze in red solo cups. A brown leather couch. Loud laughter. A houseparty? A frat guy touches my thigh. "Back off asshole," I push the faceless guy away and get called a "prude" in response. My irritation melts away once Natalie pulls me into a tight hug. "What are you doing here?!" I squeal. Everything is now a comfortable, warm sepia. She looks over to Garrett Watts and Andrew Siwicki, who I presume are hosting this function. All the partygoers in the room disappear, and I am left alone with the two of them. "Action," I state with a smirk and pointed finger.

My eyes slam open, and I feel that sweat has started to form on my chest. Unfortunately, I'm alone in my dark, cold dorm room. A pang hits my stomach, reminding me that I barely ate yesterday, so I get up to make ramen. This will probably be another weekend spent at The Bean, researching jobs, studying, and searching for a will to continue. My 500th sigh of the week exits my lungs as I check my phone.

10:12 AM

Saturday

MESSAGES

Natalie the Pickle Queen: Feeling better? Did u watch??

LINKEDIN: Podcast Audio Engineer/Producer role posted in Los Angeles. Be the first to apply!

By the way, she chose that contact name for herself in Junior High, and I refuse to change it in order to conserve the cringiness. Pretty sure mine remains as "Wacky Jackie."

My eyebrows furrow at the next notification. I don't think I expressed interest in podcasts, producing, or editing on my LinkedIn account... but I'm desperate for anything that will keep me here, so I click on it.

You've gotta be shitting me.

I burn my finger on boiling ramen water. My eyes widen, quickly scanning over the words "Sweet Boys," "Garrett Watts," and "Andrew Siwicki." The wonderful podcast that I discovered literally last night wants help? I figured those guys were experts... but I'll admit that their sound quality on Episode 1 seemed kind of amateur... Wait, what are you thinking?

You don't know anything about the process of creating a podcast! Well, technically, you're familiar with some of the audio equipment and software... No, impossible. Well, you do have experience managing others... Yeah, Jake at Fired Pie! Ridiculous. Well, this would give you a chance to explore your creative side... No, they would never hire you. This is L.A., so there are tons of experienced workers craving opportunities like this one. Should I call Natalie for advice? Mom would without a doubt interpret this as another sign.

I pause my train of thought to eat a bite of noodles.

You know what? No. I don't need anyone's direction or blessing. This is my only life, and I should be more spontaneous and cool in living it. This is worth a shot. Plus, they probably won't respond based on my resume anyway.

Maybe it's the morning exhaustion and grumpiness, but I read the job description a few more times before mumbling "fuck it" and hitting the apply button. My head starts to spin with what's hopefully excitement and not undernutrition. It's a little pathetic that applying for jobs is a cheap thrill for me.

I don't want to get my hopes up, so I focus on finishing my miserable breakfast and getting dressed. Getting out of my pajamas makes me feel more productive. A pair of joggers, a cropped tank, a cardigan, and a necklace. I'm not a big fan of displaying my midriff and receiving unwanted stares, but most girls here sport this style, so. While brushing my teeth and hair, I respond to Natalie that yes, I loved the videos.

As I sit down at my desk to start my neglected homework, my phone dings, and I anxiously scramble to check it.

MESSAGES

Natalie the Pickle Queen: I knew you would. I'm jelly they live by you in LA! ;(

"Oh, I know they do." I whisper to myself. I decide against telling her about my application and that I saw Andrew in person. Wouldn't want to make a fool of myself or jump the gun or upset anyone. For the first time, I'm actually disappointed by a text from Nat. I wanted it to be a notification from somewhere, or someone, else.