I Never Liked You Anyway.

Keeping it keen

I licked the seal on the envelope then closed it. The seal didn't work. How irritating. I hunted down the sellotape then stuck it down making sure that there was no way the letter could be tampered with. I even wrote the address extra neatly so that I know for sure that Brandon would get this letter. I have a tendency of writing scruffily when in a rush so I made sure that I had plenty of time spare to write this letter properly. I assumed that Brandon didn't get my last letter...or my texts and voicemails. Brandon and I broke up precisely 10 days 3 hours and 46 minutes ago. 47 minutes. It was all a silly misunderstanding. If I'm totally honest I'm really upset about it, I don't know if you can tell. I'm going to get him back and this online guru lady told me that playing hard to get is the best way to get a guys attention. Hard to get isn't exactly my forte so I've been struggling - hence the letters and messages. However, In the letter, I am about to send I have stipulated how I have moved on and yes it was probably me who got off with Jake his best friend. That ought to get his attention. That Beyonce song will play throughout his head...irreplaceable... and I'm sure he will come running. They always do. Doesn't matter If its the next day or next year. They always come running right back. Yep. Brace yourself.

After posting the letter In the box just outside my apartment building I walked down my street and into town. I was getting "coffee" with my friend Amy. I put coffee in brackets because I don't actually drink REAL coffee. I drink Spiced Caramel Macchiato. I mean what are you gonna do? I was in well need of some girlie bonding time so I could talk through my issues in a non-judgemental environment with a non-judging friend. Yes, apparently they do exist. 

"So. what are you going to?"

"Oh. I've decided that I'm just going to play it cool and give him some space"

"Please. I hope you realise that waiting outside his football club and Insta stalking him is not space."

"Yeah, it was kinda awkward liking a picture from 2 years ago!" I said rather impressively.

Amy just raised her eyebrows and sucked the inside of her cheeks as if to say 'it's really come to this has it Flick'?

"Yeah okay. I get it. I need to stop this. Anyway, did you know that guys are like elastic bands? You have to let them stretch out and have space before they ping right back." I said matter-of-factly. 

"What self-help book did you swallow?"

"Irrelevant. I'm right. Now, are you going to help me show Brandon how much of a woman He's missing or do I need to find another accomplice?"

"FIne, fine whatever I'll help but I'm not getting caught up in another Jamie Edwards situation"

Jamie Edwards. What. A. God. He could be the Christian Grey of 16-year-olds. Only without the whipping and Millions of dollars. Jamie and I had 'a thing' in the summer holidays (by 'a thing' I mean he noticed me and we talked). He's in the year above and they were holding an end of year party at Julia Spindals house. I got a little tipsy and Jamie looked after me. We were really hitting it off until I puked on him. Let's just say I spent the rest of my summer 'running into him' at the pool and 'Catching him' in the supermarket. That was until Brandon asked me out. I forgot all about Jamie. 

"Let's forget about Jamie, shall we? He is over and done with and anyway I haven't even seen recently"

Amy and I then got to the situation at hand. 

Operation, GET BACK BRANDON FISHER.

1. Send letter confessing my quick recovery of heartbreak: CHECK

2. Find a new boyfriend to make Brandon jealous (preferably someone on the football team with Brandon)

3. Attend house party and conduct myself carefully so that Brandon realises that I am not a lightweight but a sophisticated woman who doesn't kiss other boys.

4. Get the perfect figure so that I no longer have to hide behind my boyfriend jeans.

5. Attend every football match that Brandon plays  and either:

i) support the other team

ii) support my football playing boyfriend.

6. Get killer grades to prove that I am not stupid or ditsy but highly intelligent and going somewhere in life.

7. At the end of year party, Brandon will profess his love for me and everything will be A-okay!