The thoughts of a fallen victim

Happiness

Have you ever wondered "Will I ever really be happy?", I have. Its a thought that races in your head and doesn't quit; you want the answer but the answer appears to have left you in the dust with no tracks to follow.

You have a family that's far from perfect but everyone loves eachother still. You hate people but still have friends that love you. If all of these bad things can turn good then why are you still unhappy? Its a question a lot of people ask themselves, "Why?". Why is a question and for some an answer. How can that be? Well if you ask me why you're unhappy even after all these good things in your life, I may answer "Why don't you find something happy?".

No one wants that answer though. It doesn't solve anything. Its like when and adult that was raised to be homophobic tells you to start exercising when you say you're depressed. Its useless and we've all tried it before.

I personally am tired of the empty answers and questions flooding my brain to the brim.

"Why can't I be happy if there are good things around me?"

Maybe its because of the past. You were bullied, abused, neglected, assaulted, abandoned, used, hurt. So you keep your focus there instead of the happiness you seek.

Perhaps its because of the future. You have a test tomorrow, your partner needs to talk to you in the morning, you may get a shot at the doctors next week, that date you're looking forward to may get canceled, its going to rain during your cheer practice. And due to this your focus is there instead of on the happiness you need.

No one actually has the answer to that question. Its an upsetting reality that I've learned to accept. After so many therapists and psychiatrists I was still never given a real answer. Only ever, "Let's try changing your meds, have you tried walking when you feel depressed, find a new hobbie, change up your day to day schedule", and so forth. But those aren't actual answers; their more questions just to see if you can find your own answer.

Happiness is right under your nose. The only way to really find it is to stop looking. Now I'm not saying to give up on your hopes and dreams but try focusing on something else. Maybe you'll find your soulmate, a healthy relationship, a understanding friend, or perhaps self love.

No one can be happy every second of the day and if there was someone so I would pity them. If your happy all the time you can't grief the loss of a pet or loved one. You need more emotions than just happiness so you can actually live.

You need a balance of emotions; anger, sadness, happiness, grief, excitement, etc to be able to have a nice life. Imagine having to be happy all the time and your partner breaks up with you. Though due to you only ever being happy you can't cry to let those emotions out.

One day you will be happy. May it be most of the time or only some. I know that once I stopped caring about me not being happy and focused on the things around me I found my soulmate and a few amazing friends.

- Fish .psp

566 words