Seeing You (subject to change)

A/N: Okay so this is how it will go; I have Playing the Player up and i'm going to put up the first chapter of this story and whichever gets more reads will be the one I will work on more actively. So go read, vote, comment :)

There's that look again. The one of shame and disappointment. I'm use to it, but it still hurts; I mean it's my own mother doing this. I know she doesn't like me very much, and I know she wishes it had been me instead of him. Sometimes I do too, so her looks certainly don't help. If she could still see him like I can, things would be so much easier. Or maybe if he hadn't died things would be like they were before. She blames me for his death, I agree no matter how much he tells me it wasn't my fault. I shouldn't have run out in the street. I should have-

"Lil, are you thinking about me again?" startled, I turned around to my brother to see the smirk on his face.

"You wish loser. What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." He smiled a genuine smile. His pink lips strectched over his bright white teeth. His smile always made his ocean blue eyes sparkle, it made him famous with girls. They loved his jet black hair and the way it fell into his eyes, making him look like a 'bad boy.' But he was just my brother, the best one at that.

"How've you been?"

"Since yesterday when you visited me? Very well thank you. You?"

"You know, chilling. I went to see a few of my friends." He got a sad look in his eyes, though his smile stayed in place.

"How are they?" I knew he missed his friends and his friends missed him. They talked to me sometimes about how much they missed him and I came back and told him.

"They're okay. Mike's dating Sarah now." I nodded. I didn't like Sarah. There was a short silence and then,

"Soo...... you went on a date with James, huh?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "He's really sweet." I heard him mumble something under his breath that sounded like "a little too sweet." I sighed. Sometimes he was just too protective.

"Wait, were you spying on me?"

"Maybe." he smirked. My jaw dropped.

"You know, just because you're invisible to everyone else doesn't mean you can spy on me."

"I CAN-"

"But you SHOULDN'T." Johnny and I never fought for reals. Even if he wasn't able to watch me all the time, I would have told him about James and the conversation still would have gone this way. I wanted to hug my brother so bad. I wanted to be able to feel his arms able to comfort me again, and if I hadn't run in front of that car I would still be able to. My eyes started to gather tears and I saw concern cloud his eyes.

"Lillie what's wrong?"

"I miss you. I miss you so much. I'm so stupid, why did I have to run-"

"No," he was right infront of me now "it's not your fault Lillie. Stop blaming yourself. I came to push you from in front of the car. It's not your fault he was drunk and didn't see us." His voice broke and he went to reach out but stopped. We both knew I couldn't feel his touch and he couldn't feel mine. All I can ever do for the rest of my life is talk to and see him. My brother was killed by a drunk driver saving me. All my life i've been shunned by my parents because I lived and he didn't. All my life i've been getting dissapionted looks and have even been put into therapy because one time I told them I could still see him. My parents hate me because they think i'm the reason that my 17 year old brother Johnny died 2 days before his 18th birthday. Johnny is the only reason that I even made it to my 16th birthday. He's stayed the same age for 2 years now and saves my life every time I want to pick up a suicidal habit.

"Lillie, please don't be sad. I know you miss me but hey," he grinned "technically you can still see me. Even if it means you're crazy." I laughed. Johnny can make me laugh so easily in the worst of times.

"I love you Johnny."

"I love you too Lils. Sooo about that date."