18 - h.s

forty

Sophia Elliot

We were both sitting in the red corvette, silence overtaking the car as I prepared to talk. My heart was going twenty to the dozen With each breath, it felt as if my chest was closing in on itself. 

"Sophia, what's wrong? Talk to me." Harry spoke, his soft voice echoing through my head as I felt his voice go right through my chest along with the panic my body was experiencing at that moment. 

I looked at him, tears brimming in my eyes as I knew that as soon as I told him, he was about to flip out and I'd lose him as a friend as well as my fake boyfriend, with I never thought I would be worried this much about losing. 

"Wait." My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as he spoke that word, my eyes widening and my leg that was once bouncing up and down with rhythm stoppejust d dead. "I know what you're gonna say." 

He sounded mad.

He knows.

"Harry! I'm so sorry! I promise if I could change it I would! I'm so sorry! It's not my fault I swear. Please don't hate me or yell." I panicked and blurted out a plethora of apologies and almost groveled at his feet to get him on- side. My tears that were threatening to escape finally did and I was officially having a breakdown in front of my fake boyfriend in his red Corvette outside of my parent's house. Fantastic.

"Woah, what's this about?" Harry immediately softened his expression and was cautious with his words and the tone in which he spoke them. "I could never ever hate you." He spoke with a confused tone in his voice. "I was only going to say that I know you've still got my Stones t-shirt and that I didn't want it back and that you could keep it." 

Oh my god. 

I'm so stupid.

What the fuck?

I actually thought he knew.

I let out a breath that I was holding for too long and my chest began to thump with an erratic heartbeat again, as I just couldn't help but begin to cry. I was so overwhelmed I didn't know what I was doing or feeling anymore. The tears that rolled down my makeup-clad face and onto my legs were cold in contrast to Harry's touch and the coldness made me crave his touch on my skin. I oddly felt safe when he did that, although deep down I just knew that I shouldn't.

Right on cue, as if he could read my mind, Harry reached out to me. "Sophia it's okay, you're okay. I promise." He spoke softly as he looked at me and then my leg to ask if he could touch me and I nodded while wiping my face with the back of my hand and sniffling. My breathing started to slow and my chest began rising and falling at a much more even pace as I felt Harry's touch on my thigh. 

Harry's touch was my safety blanket.

"I'm sorry." 

"Sophia, stop saying sorry." He rubbed his thumb back and forth on my leg to soothe me and honestly, it worked like a charm. I felt a lot calmer now but at the thought of telling him, my anxiety bubbled up again as I tried to take a deep breath albeit it came out a lot shakier than I had intended. "You're okay, it's okay." 

I took a few more deep breaths and hung my head low for a second while I prepared myself for the worst reaction I could possibly get.

Goodbye, H.

You're gonna hate me now.

"Harry, I'm bisexual." 

I said it. 

I did it.

I held my breath, screwed my eyes tightly shut and prepared myself for a hit, a scream, something, anything.