Dont forget

Who am i

CW: Cursing, Smoking, Mentions of abuse, sexual references.⚠️

Every morning when the breeze from my open balcony tickles me awake, I lie in bed for seemingly hours at a time contemplating every aspect of my pitiful life. When my eyes finally pry themselves open, the daylight immediately burn into my pupils and I end up closing them once again. The process repeats until I am awoken by the echoing sounds of screams and cries from the hallway. The familiar sounds of glass antiques being thrown against the walls and my father screaming about how much they'd cost him.

The noises force me out of my bed and onto my feet. Ill walk to the balcony, the only look of the outside world I ever will experience. I take a cigarette and a match I'd stolen from my mother out of the dusty, broken floorboard under my pale green dresser filled with boring grey and black clothes. My feet step onto the cold  cement floor of my patio, making me flinch.

I hold the match tightly between my fingers, and quickly scratch it against the old wooden border blocking me from escaping my home, and watch as the flame for a moment, wondering if I'd ever see a real fire. As I rest the cigarette between my pale cold lips with one hand, I pull the match toward it with my other. Once it's lit, I take slow, deep puffs, blowing the smoke into the crisp air. I lean against the border watching the clouds float by, and wonder about what real humans do outside of their cookie-cutter homes.

This is what I do every morning, of course. But for some unknown reason this morning was different. Well, I still woke up to the sweet sound of arguments and the sun burning into me, sure. Though today when I stood on my porch, I thought, "Who the fuck am i?" I know that my name is Kayla, I'm 17, and I am a vampire. I know I am kept isolated in my room, and hid from the real world out of fear. But I want to know more than that. I do not know what I like to do, or what my sense of humor is. I don't know how to ride a bike or how to dance, and so I thought, "Why? Why must it be that I'm trapped in a world in which I can't live?"

As a child I would beg to go outside, but my mother would have the same reaction everytime. She'd stare down into my black eyes with her green ones and say, "No child wants to play with a beast, my dear." She'd call me a beast, or monster often. She was clearly ashamed of having such an outcast daughter, yet I'm sure if she'd let me outside, I wouldn't be the way I was. I would've learned from the other kids what was normal, I would've found a sense of humor, or a personality. I would've learned how to ride a bike and how to dance. Maybe I even would've danced WITH someone, yknow?

So there I stood, my mouth filled with smoke, my arms marked with cigar burns, and my eyes filled with salty tears. I sighed, bending onto the the cold floor to put it out. I stuffed the used cigarette into my pocket, hiding it from my family. I walked back inside, and sat back down on my bed, wondering why I was cursed into this life. The thoughts in my head felt like bullets were being shot through me, going on everyday living the same miserable life couldn't be an option anymore, I couldn't handle it. The tears began to fall, as I still pondered on about the years ive wasted in this small room, watching people run by, and watching small children play everyday as an escape to what I had been born into. My head buried into my pillows muffling my sobs as so my parents wouldn't hear and tell me to quiet down.

And that's my life. That is the life that I live, all because of who I am. And I don't even know who I am. Who am I? Who would I have been if I was born human? What would I have accomplished? Though it seems nobody knows. No books I've ever read have held the answer, and im sure that none of them ever will. So all I can do is cry.. Cry and wish that my life wasnt the way it was.

HI UM THIS IS JUST CHAPTER 1!!
thank you for reading lolz