I was running to you in the blowing snow storm mid january, it was back at the skatepark where we met.
I suddenly stopped pulled out a knife, you were a few feet ahead of me, we were the only ones there.
I brought the knife up to my heart. Did he care I asked my self, then I asked him "do you care".
Before he answered I cut a deep cut through my chest, and in to my heart. the last thing I saw was him running towards me. That's the last thing I saw, the last thing I remember and the last thing I felt. Ever. Now when I wake up from those dreams I cry, I can barely remember how it was to be with you, only how it felt.
We met on the 16th of may last year. That's the first time I drank alcohol. I fell for you at first glance. I keep counting down to the day it's been a year, now it's exactly 124 days, and it's been probably 230 days since I had you.
We spent several nights in June together. That was the happiest time of my life.
Me and my friends were *camping* in the woods and drinking one night. I invited you to meet me in the middle of the night. We sat on the edge of a cliff in the woods, just you and I, I don't remember what we talked about, just how peaceful and safe I felt.
On the first day of summer we were supposed to met at your house, but we both fell asleep after school, so we decided to met at night instead. About 1:30 am I sat there waiting for you at the buss stop, you came there biking, I was stressed, I was never this stressed. We hadn't been completely alone before, but this night we were. We sat on a bench near a store, and just talked, he suggested we climbed on a building that was in construction. We did. He brought this different person out of me, I miss her. We walked home after maybe an hour, he walked me to my house, and we said goodbye, kept everything innocent.
On the 21 of June I almost died of alcohol poisoning, I like to think that he was my guardian angel. Everyone does say it was a miracle that I survived. But I think he was my miracle. When I got home from the hospital a few days later he made me happy.
Late august i blocked your Snapchat, but added you back after a few minutes. You made out with another girl, we weren't serious, but you made me feel special, and liked, and I believed you, and I loved you.
I had my first kiss a few months after that. It wasn't you. Then my 2, 3 and 4th in the same night a bit after that, still not you.
I learned that you wear lenses for your sight a drunken night in December, that's when I talk to you, under the influence. I also called you a fuckboy, because you are, but that's doesn't make me love you less. And I hate that.
I thought I had fallen in love again, and maybe I have, but it's not you, and that shouldn't bother me, but it does. Because it will always be you, every time I drink, you. Every time I'm in the woods, you. Every time I go on construction buildings, you. Every time I feel. Its all you.
And that's why I love you.
