It started off as a normal morning, i woke up to the sound of my alarm, screeching down my up-woken ears. Accept this day was going to be different, i could feel it as i let the steamy hot water trickle down my unwashed body. I could feel it as a yanked the sox on my cleansed feet. As i slurped the remains of the milk from my cereal bowl. As i looked out into the overgrown garden, covered in white, shimmery frost and foggy mist, i wondered what the day would hold. An hour long of english first thing, then another of physics, twenty minuets of break, then an hour of geography, forty minuets lunch, pshe, then maths, and finally, the time of the day the whole world desires, time to go home. It didn't matter what happened in lessons, it was what happened in between that mattered, would a fight kick off? Would someone say something to me? Would i get pushed or shoved by one of the older, yet more immature year elevens? Would someone say something to me, something that I'd pretend i didn't hear, or laugh and shove it it off as if it didn't matter, but it did, it mattered a lot. Each thing that was said hurt a little bit more, it chipped away at me, again, and again, and again. i always wondered why people felt the need to treat me like this? Make snide comments before they even knew me, without even giving me a chance they made their own prejudiced judgement on me. Was it my fault? Was it because of the way i sounded or walked? Was it the way I looked or the way i dressed? It wasn't like i was going to ask them?
Before i had time to think about it in anymore detail I was already five minuets late. I knew I could have to walk into english, make up some pathetic excuse about how I'd overslept or how my dog went missing. I knew everyone would eyeball me as i pulled down the creaking handle and gently pushed the door open trying to cause as little distraction as possible. I knew they would watch my every move, from the doorway all the way to the other side of the classroom. That long never-ending walk, with your head down, pretending you're not acknowledging the people staring, pretending you don't care, when inside you're trying your best not to burst out screaming, asking what the hell there looking at. But you don't. Then as the teacher catches your eye with her long hard stare, glasses sitting on the end of her nose, and her eyes facing upwards, as if she thinks shes better than you. Still thinking about the gut wrenching walk, i slip on my burgundy blazer, i fasten up my silky tie, give my hair a little volume, and check myself in the mirror to check theres nothing for them to pick at. Thumping down each of the steep carpeted stairs i dreaded how late I was. Slipping on my battered worn vans, toes in first, and then heels. Grabbing a quick drink of water, hearing it drip out. Then grabbing the keys off the side, the jingle they made reminded me of when i ustew play with my dads keys. He ustew tell me one day he would buy me my own car, it would be the fastest one in the world.
As I clutched the door handle with one hand, and lent the other on the wall. i took one last deep breath, i looked back, i saw the house i'd grown up in, saw the house that held so many memories, good and bad, and pulled the handle down, i heard its screech go right threw me. I pulled the door wide open, and looked left and then right, this was the big wide world, full of hate, anger, suffering, and pain. What was the point? Theres people who are constantly dying, children being born into a world of hunger, parents beating their children, people being bullied and lead to the point of no return, people ending their lifes, people murdering, peoples minds snapping and going crazy, people getting raped, people who have no one, people who have nothing. I should be grateful for my health, and grateful i have people, however few they are. But the only two people who i want are no longer here, my mother and my farther, they left me when i was eight. I constantly wondered what i'd done wrong, i blamed myself. As the door slammed shut, as the frame shuddered and as the lock clicked, i felt as if i was never going back...
As i walked down the gravel drive, hearing each crunch as my foot thumped, harder and harder each time, i felt as if i was never going to see the house again. As the latch on the gate opened, as my finger gently pushed, i felt trapped. Like i could never go back, even if i wanted to. As the wooden, tattered gate creaked open, it was clear today was going to be life changing. And i was right. I pushed myself over the step, in front of the gate. I was out, i was free, but the anxiety was still there. I was being watched. Cars driving past within the blink of an eye, wind howling like a dog in labour, people hurrying past without a care in the world. i gradually regain consciousness in my legs. Without hesitation, i slowly glide away from the gate, not daring to look back, incase i was being followed. I was. Quicker and quicker with each thump. Faster and faster with each pace. More and more scared with each pace. Heart beating quicker with every passing second. Sweat dripping off my forehead with every thought.
A quick sharp left turn down an alleyway, and before i knew it, i was running. Running for my life, not knowing where i was going. But one thing was for sure, i wasn't going to school. Jumping over all the bursting bin-bags people had left the week before, unable to acknowledge the churning smell. A quick glance over my shoulder, and i saw him. His shaved head, like a prisoner. Beaten face, no sense of happiness, just murder. You could see it in his eyes, the bloodshot. You could see by his build he wasn't someone from school, he wasn't anyone i had ever known...Then a sudden scream. That was it, at this point i feared for my life. Jolting my body at each sharp turn at another corner, faster and faster regardless of the panting. One last corner, right, and i was at the main road, cars were nowhere to be seen, it was empty. Everyone was at work, without hesitation i didn't stop to think, i ran. Right across the road. Not taking the fact there was a sharp corner opposite me into consideration, i ran. Big mistake.
I remember the sound of the tires coming. The sound of the grips touching the frozen concrete. The brightness of the lights shining threw the fog. The sound of the drivers voice shouting 'look out'. I could even hear her foot slamming on the breaks, but it was too late. I remember as the car bonnet hit my kneecap, i wondered if i'd ever see my mum or dad again. Where would i go if i died? Then thats when i remember being in complete darkness, i was in mid air, knowing that at some point i was going to die when my body came crushing down onto the solid concrete. And i did, i came down, but the drovers windshield broke my fall, the shattering of the glass against my back will always be in my mind. Then, silence. All was still. Peaceful. And out of nowhere, a petrified scream, of guilt, anxiety, and shock. The driver. She lived. Thats when i felt the pain of the glass in my back and on the left side of my face. The pain of my deformed broken leg, and the biggest concussion headache.
After that i don't remember much, i remember the woman being unable to call an ambulance, i remember the blue lights flashing, and the sirens screaming. I remember doctors shouting 'Ethan, can you hear me?' I remember them opening my eyelids and shining a torch in my pupils. I remember the, rolling me out the stretcher into surgery, removing every shard of glass from my back, using a wipe and cleaning the dry blood that had dripped on my face. Then thats when it hurt the most, when the doctor pulled the shard of glass out of my cheekbone. I remember hearing it, squelch against the flesh as they tweezed it out. I just wanted to cry out, tell them to get the fuck off me. But i couldn't... I was a fourteen year old boy, trapped in his own body...
