A place to warm your weary body

Entry 1

Day one: It is Monday. New beginnings, a new week, and a new journey to embark upon. I must admit the sense of childish wonder within me has readily begun to stir and in perfect tempo with the rhythmic thumping of my heart I do tread cautiously onward. My name is Dr. Ellen Byrgenwerth, doctor of what is not relevant to my research and I will often explain little when speaking of my personal life however what is important is to tell you, dear reader, what it is I'm researching. Beginning today, and ending after 80 more, I will be living in the arctic. My job is drearily simple, tell someone of every minute detail throughout my experience, highs and lows, and that dear reader is exactly what you shall get. It would undoubtedly be suicide to venture out alone into this icy desert without shelter and shelter I do have. A small, homely, little outpost. Little more than the necessities of course: bed, toilet, small gas heater, food, and some books for entertainment. Good, now that my exposition has undergone its course I can begin my research. Oh silly me i forgot to mention, I will be being accompanied by a furry little fellow named Chibi (my dog and most loyal companion). 

My trek to the outpost went smoothly, however I half thought the sheer weight of my gear might drag me under the snow and suffocate me in its icy splendor, a grim thought for the first day. Chibi of course lagged behind, poor girl must have been freezing as I could practically smell her excitement as we neared the outpost, though that may just have been the remnants of the previous nights dog treats. A heavy iron door and a few feet of insulated steel were now all that separated myself and Chibi from the immense danger of the hellish tundra outside. Let it be known now, I feared it greatly. The needles of chill that clung to my body, the very air emitting a sense of dread. I remember looking out this morning, looking out of the singular window this tiny outpost contained, looking out at the endless barren fields of a blindingly white existence, and I couldn't help but delve into the existential. I am alone out here.

Day Three: You may notice a distinct lack of an entry for day two, this is because after having filled the page full of content for you, dear reader, that damned dog decided to gnaw it to shreds. I have no idea what came over her and I apologize greatly, however, we're back on track and ready to get going again. 

I spend most of my day getting into the routine of organizing and rationing the food I have, cheeses in the cheese box, tins of fruit in the tins box etc. This all of course would be fine but well after recounting and rationing I realized I had made a mistake. There is nowhere near enough food for just 80 days, 30 maybe at a push. I'm not sure how but I suppose command must have made a mistake along the line; though no matter, I can call for aid tomorrow. Chibi seems unsettled, and I think the air is getting colder. 

Day Four: Big problem. Blizzard will be rolling in over the next week. Normally this wouldn't be an issue as after all I do have a heater however this means I'm not getting any more food any time soon. Another day, another sad can of spam with some out of date crackers. Delicious. I look again out through the solitary window, the sun never rises nor sets, perpetual darkness. A black, velvety blanket draping the snow in misery and yet instilling an immeasurable sense of beauty in the reflection of the moon upon the no longer blinding snow, the coming storm shadowing the light of the sun and harboring it as a weapon. 

Chibi is eating fine as always, though she progressively seems more fidgety, something isn't right with the poor girl, perhaps the cold is getting to her. I wrap her in as many small blankets as I own and I put you down now dear reader while we rest.

Day Five: The beginnings of a blizzard have sprung upon us, snow is falling heavier and heavier with each passing hour and the wind is knocking a branch upon the door. It is not hard to forget the fact that I am alone out here, 5 days isn't long I know but in the midst of a sea of frost every hour takes an eternity. Perhaps I wasn't cut out for this. When this blizzard ends I'm taking my girl with me and leaving. 80 days of isolation seems much more like a nightmare than the wistful dream I had once believed it to be. 

Day Nine: You will certainly notice a jump in time, reader. I have no excuse other than my head is beginning to throb daily and shoveling snow from the roof has kept me far too occupied for my liking. The blizzard is not waning, but neither is my outpost. It remains strong under the harshest of weathers and most extreme of colds... but my hands are beginning to tremble and go numb, I cannot feel my toes any more, it is negative 51 degrees Celsius outside, and the blanket of white now lay 6 feet deep if I'm not careful enough. My head is throbbing again and this damn heater does nothing for warmth. Chibi isn't looking too good. We need help.

I'm going out there, not on some suicidal yet noble quest to save us both but to get rid of that damn branch knocking on the door all the time. 

As I write this I am stood outside my bunker of safety, victim to the unwavering daggers of ice permeating my lungs. A great expanse of solid ocean lay softly before me, a well made bed, inviting me to lay in it. I know that to sleep out here would mean the end of me, a lush numbness, then warmth, then cold again. There is no branch, nothing the wind could have knocked into to make it rap its frozen twigs against my door. I must remind myself I am alone out here. 

I am writing this 6 hours after my adventure outside now. Upon realizing that there was nothing to make the knocking noise, I decided to bring my adventure to a close. I went back inside. Well, I would have done, had the door not frozen shut. Fear took me then, held me in a vice, "this is where I die" I thought aloud and so help me god I even began to cry. Chibi's barks were all that could spur me on in that moment, the desperate pleas of a helpless child. I remembered a shovel, yes a shovel leaned against the back of the outpost and I dashed for it, careful not to sink to my death below. In this moment he surrounded me, death himself disguised as a soft, white blanket. I launched myself at the shovel and sprinted back to the door, wedging the shovel underneath and cracking it open. I'm going to get some rest for today and so is Chibi. My head is still killing me. 

Day Twenty: I remember nothing past the night the door shut on me, my head is killing me and the heater is running low. To have lost eleven days of my life is terrifying. This isn't how it was meant to go. This is unfair, I'm not even a doctor I just needed the pay so when they offered me this job I thought it would be easy money, now I sit broken and disheveled upon my bed Chibi lay motionless in her corner, cold to the touch, and my food is running low. I still don't know what was upsetting Chibi, and I know not of what knocked on my door. My head kills, and I see a figure outside the lonely window, far in the distance. It waves at me. I am not alone out here.

Day Twenty One: It was the heater. Tampered with. Carbon monoxide. I was being poisoned, but it was warm enough. I die with it, I die without. The endless black expanse of the night sky envelopes me now and I know nothing but fear. I can no longer hold my notebook and I am recording these in the hopes someone finds what is out there. I am not safe, any day now the thing outside the window will get inside, Chibi hasn't moved. Hasn't breathed. I fear we may share the same fate. 

Day Twenty Two: Chibi is missing. The thing at the window gets closer each passing day. This blizzard has lasted over 10 days. I cannot breathe without inhaling poison. I do not sleep. The walls are running from me. I haven't eaten in days. Death is on my doorstep, and has trapped me in this icy tomb.

Day Twenty Three: The thing outside is knocking again. I can hear Chibi's excited bark coming from outside. I was never alone out here. It was in the snow. Hiding. It thinks I can't see it. It looks like me, yes exactly like me. Well not exactly. It is me to be sure, but not quite me. It is missing something. Its missing its eyes. It has no eyes. A me with no eyes standing in an expanse of silver sands yet staring, staring widely and firmly, undressing me with its mind for it knows that I am it. I think I hunger for me. I think I have begun eating myself.

"Come."

"I know of a place to warm your weary body"

I think I will begin eating myself. It is so cold now, I'm sorry Chibi.