After a while of thinking I've decided that I'm not going to live for someone else, or multiple people. I'm going to live because I want to, because even if I get hated on for being loud and happy I will not let them get into my head. And even thought there is only a small amount of time left with these people/person (the people/person that made me want to leave and never come back) I won't let them get to me. Why would I? I've been doing that since August why would i let them ruin my happiness after I worked so hard on being happy? It sucks when you find yourself sitting in your room late at night thinking about what you could have done rather than what you have done. Having to sit there and think until you give up and finally fall asleep just to do it all over again when the morning comes. Then having to say "yeah, I'm fine I'm just tired" to not let these people/person know that you're human. So after being called names from birth till today I will finally be happy. Genuinely. Happy. No matter who it hurts, no matter if I lose friends for it. I will be happy. I will get better grades and I'll show everyone that after 3 years of being covered by clouds my sunshine will finally come out and it will show my hidden rainbow.
To the people/person who let me be like this. Why? Just why did you let this happen to me? Why would you make me feel worse about myself when I asked you for help or when I asked for your advice? Was it because you needed help too or because you wanted to see me suffer? And be honest , because after all of that pain and suffering and finally getting to realize that I don't need you, I would love to know the answers to my questions.
Adding onto that, I would love to go back in time to take back all the hours I spent on you trying to fix you instead of me. I would love to take back all those lost hours because you don't deserve them after all the things you've done to me. I drifted away from the people that actually loved me because you got jealous that I didn't put all my time and attention on you even when I did. But thank you for showing me what a toxic person is and why I should avoid them and not trust them.
I tried to defend your part when it came to decide my fate when I had to choose to either staying with you or go to the people that actually cared and loved me. I'm glad I chose those people that cared about me, however I'm also happy that I got to spend some of my life with you. I know I will never forget the memories that we have made and I want to sincerely thank you for those happy memories. On the other hand I will never forget what you have done to me, and why I have decided to leave you and pick a different path for my life. My love for you will never go away but my respect for you has completely disintegrated.
To the people that I have chosen to stay with, thank you for inviting me into your hearts with wide arms. You have shown me what actual happiness is, you have taught me how to love myself and love others without forgetting that I am important too. And to that one person whose name I will not say, thank you so very much you don't know how much what you have done it has changed my life and has open my eyes. Thank you for loving me for the good and the bad, it means a lot to me.
To anyone that still cares after this transformation, hello, stay and get to know who I've been hiding for a long long time. And maybe just maybe I'll help everyone else see that it's okay to be you in front of everyone else. It makes life so much happier and brighter. You'll be excited to go to school or out in general instead of wanting to curl up in your sheets and disappear.
