Now I See You | ✓

Twenty-Three

My knee is bouncing at a rate of knots, my lips are cracked raw from all the times I've bitten down on them, my cuticles torn to shreds and my stomach currently feels like a shark infested ocean, the way it's turning over and over.

I lean my head back against the cool wall behind me, trying to get rid of the sheen of sweat adorning my forehead, but it's no use.

I'm sweating buckets, the nerves playing havoc with my body, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. No matter how many times I tell myself I just have to get it together, I just need to go in there and answer a few questions, it doesn't help.

It's Friday morning now, the day of the hearing, and this dingy college room is honestly the last place on this entire earth that I want to be right now.

Apparently, I'm supposed to saunter into the main room in a few minutes, sit through the entire fucking thing, waiting for my turn in the spotlight, before heading home and acting like my life if peachy.

As if.

My childhood best friend, who happens to be a rapist, by the way, is going to be sitting in that room, looking at me as I denounce him entirely. He knows that I believe he's guilty, but I'm not entirely sure that he's expecting me to be there today, especially after I turned down siding with him.

Obviously, that makes me feel even more nauseous than I do already.

I tried quite hard to persuade my friends to go to class today and to leave me to do this by myself, but they actually just laughed in my face and told me there was no way in hell that they weren't going to be there for me today. Josie threw in far too many expletives in Spanish that even though I've been around her for years and have picked them up gradually, I couldn't keep up with what she was saying.

Honestly, I'm so grateful for both Manal and Josie for insisting that they come along today, even if it's just to each hold one of my hands right now, as they shake incessantly.

Neither of them says anything as we sit there, waiting for the whole thing to commence, and I'm grateful for that. I don't think I could deal with small talk right now.

I also didn't think I could deal with turning up early to the hearing, but Manal is very time-conscious, so we ended up here much earlier than I'd have liked. Although, a large part of me would have liked to not be here at all, so I'm glad that she's been here to actually force me into making the appearance that I promised I would.

When it's finally time to go in, my heart thrashes against my chest violently, and the sickening feeling in my stomach grows tenfold.

Still, I stand up, push my shoulders back, tell myself I'm a badass bitch and stride into the room with Manal and Josie hot on my heels.

Keeping my face a cool, calm mask is excruciating, especially when I spot Mason's parents in the crowd of other people here. Still, I take my seat without another glance in their direction, because I just can't do it.

Josie saves a spot next to her, which I don't really understand, until Aubin comes striding into the room, eyes roaming around until he spots the three of us. I know it's not really the time for it, but my brain accidentally gets distracted by how gorgeous he looks in his burgundy suit. The crisp white shirt underneath with the first couple of buttons undone makes my knees weak, even if I'm mostly pre-occupied with thoughts of the hearing.

He has to shuffle past a couple of people at the end of our row, but once he's seated, he reaches behind Josie, to capture my hand in his and squeeze tightly. His eyes are brimming with many emotions, but he just sends a small, encouraging smile my way.