Adventures of James and the God of Love, Cupid

1. Cupid, Stupid

Twindling a red rose in my hand, I sit in a booth alone. The waitress comes by for like the 50th time ready to ask if I'm ready to order. She's impatient now after waiting almost an hour but I stop her from pestering me again by just getting up and rushing through the tables and outside to the parking lot. In this process I failed to pay attention to the water that was solely placed on the table. Now I look to have peed my pants. Valentine's Day just happened to be the worst day of the year. I hop into my Kia Soul and throw the rose onto the passenger seat. I stare out the windshield in the Outback parking lot. I roll down my passenger side window, pick up my rose, break it in half (which took more effort than anticipated) and throw it out my car. I didn't deserve this. Mandy had no right to stand me up. I tried texting her multiple times with no response. I felt like shit. More than shit. Felt like toxic waste.

After a couple more minutes of moping and feeling sorry for myself, I decided being in this parking lot wasn't helping. I back at out fast-
"Woah, Woah, Woah!"
Its too late I hit somebody. I felt my car hit something solid—Well obviously someone with thud. I panicked putting the car in park. "Oh shit! Oh shit! Are you okay?!" I step out frantically hoping I wasn't getting charged with manslaughter the same night being stood up. Within seconds I found out it was a man I hit who laid on the ground. Luckily to prove he wasnt dead. He groaned.
"Oh my goodness sir are you okay??" I didn't know what else to say. He rolled over and finally emerged to his feet. The man looked older, like early 60s, he was "thinning" with hair only on the sides and back of his head. He wore a sweater vest with a dress shirt underneath. I looked around for a wife or husband but with that outfit, I wasn't surprised to find he wasn't with anyone. He finally stood up straight still holding his back. "Hey kid who the fuck taught you how to drive? Holy shit." I stared, not answering, only hoping he wouldn't call the cops. "Hey im so sorry, I just had a really bad night I wasn't looking behind me, I didn't think someone would ju-"
"Kid shhh shh! Shut up,"He cut me off. "I see that yeah yeah you're all alone, you hate that girl that stood you up blah blah blah".
"Wait howd you know-"
He cut me off again. "Oh I know everything about you and how Mandy was supposed to come here and yall were supposed to have the perfect date. You know why?" He put his hand on my shoulder. "Im Cupid, stupid."
He thought this was comedic gold. And he laughed as I stood there in complete awkwardness hoping he'd let me go.
"Oh you don't believe me?" He said.
I started to get a little irritated now because this man seemed fine and I just wanted to go home. "No I don't believe you. Sir, I just wanna go home. Are you okay?" Obviously this eldery man was delirious from getting hit by a car. Or he had dementia. Either one, I didnt care I just was glad I didnt commit manslaughter.
"Hm oh okay fine". The man stepped back and instantly light flashed my eyes he turned into a tall man with muscles, a chiseled chin, the pefect amount of facial hair, and eyes that literally looked into your soul. They were that peircing. He didn't wear a shirt but only a robe to cover his genitalia. This elderly man just turned into one of the most attractive men I've ever seen ( Im straight by the way). I stepped back not believing my eyes. Then I noticed something after gaping for a few seconds. I know this man transformed in front of me but still. "Wait where are your wings or...your arrow? You can't be Cupid."
"Ahh you see you imbecile I can get them back once I make someone fall in love. To be quite honest with you, you might be my last chance".
"Well what if I can't find love what will happen to you?"
Cupid rubbed the back of his head "Well I will lose my powers forever..."
I blinked as he paused.
"And you will have to be killed." He said bluntly.
Not gonna lie someone would think this would make me panic because a shirtless man of emmaculate size threatened to kill me if I dont find love in 30 days. 30 DAYS. But obviously the universe wouldnt cut me any slack. I should've expected that.
So I decided to be productive instead," So how do make girls go out with me? Just go up to them? What if they say no? This is impossible."
He shrugged this off, "Just use that app yall humans use these days. Uhh whats it called?"
"Tinder. I don't fucking know. I like meeting the old fashioned way"
"And where has that gotten you? Sitting in your car on Valentine's Day talking to Cupid."
His logic couldn't be ignored. I almost threw a whole pity party before he came along. I guess I should try the whole virtual dating scene.
"Fine. If my life's on the line"
"Good now remember you got until the end of March 14th. Thirty days to find love."