7 psychotic breaks later i have been diagnosed as "schizophrenic" "depressed" "anxious" attention deficit hyper disorder.......and the latest BI polar. With a hint of split personality.
WELL FUCK ALL OF YOU DOCTORS who think you can peg my personality down and treat it by perscribing me antidepressants on top of stimulants on top of benzos. Any doctor who immediately rushes to alter your dosages and toy with the chemicals in your brain, who writes out your perscription before u can even pronounce your illness- BEWARE. they could be doing it, because they are being paid by pharmasuetical companies to perscribe certain medications. Why, after having gone to rehab, would my psychiatrist CONTINUE to perscribe me ADDEROL and ATIVAN. thats the equivalent of speed in a pill, and xanax bars.
I thought I was fooling my doctor by scoring these perscriptions. Yesss. I have addictive tendencies, and yet she trusts me to take the prescribed amount. She trusts that i wont sell these pills to my friends. She trusts that i rely on them, that i NEED them, that i should come back EVERY week so that she can keep perscribing them.
SPENT is how i felt, the last day i walked out of my psychiatrists office. Completely taken advantage of. HERES MORE PILLS lets title all your problems as "disorders", shove them under a rug, and toss three perscriptions at you. Now swallow up and be happy and take responsibility and follow rules because boundaries are made to keep people comfortable. But what if the only thing that makes me comfortable is breaking boundaries of conforming? What if defiance is comfort?What if Forced optimism is a form of social control? ITs not okay to be sad, take these pills to be happy. If its "natural" to be happy......then guess what? Its just as natural to be depressed. Unless your autistic or emotionally unresponsive, people dont go thru life monotone, feeling nothing, straight across the board. Life itself is bi polar, ups and downs. When babies are born we celebrate with happiness and tears, when people die, we bury their bodies with sadness...and tears....
dont let your doctor become your drug dealer.
