Constantly Recurring (Perpetually Series #3)

05

Chapter 05

"This is him?" Tanong ni Calvin nang makarating na kami sa puntod ni Kyler. I don't know where his Mom lies but he was following me all along and I didn't asked him.

"Yep" I said "This was him" Tinuro ko ang tarpaulin ng muka niya. Kyler was a very handsome man. I wonder why he ever landed on me.

"Do you want to be alone?"

I want to say no but it doesn't make sense to gate-keep him from visiting his mother. I still haven't respond so he studied my eyes. It felt weird.

But it's as if.. I feel.. vulnerable around him.

"I can stay" he said "Then samahan mo'ko later kay Mommy"

"Okay" I replied.

Umupo ako sa harap ng puntod. I felt that he sit too but he gave me enough space. Hindi siya masyadong malapit. Kagaya n'ung nag volleyball kami.

"He..." paused "..left so young" komento n'ya. He must've done math over his head when he saw the date of birth and death. Yes, Kyler was young. He's only 19.

"Why did you pause?" I curiously asked

"I figured death was a sensitive word" he said

"He did die" I said "Not sensitive for me. It's okay"

His lips twitched "O..kay"

My brows furrowed "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. You're a very straight forward person. It's amazing"

"Anong amazing d'on?" Tanong ko "Namatay naman talaga si Kyler"

"Touché" he said

A memory flashed on my mind, once again

"Ayusin mo nga ang mga salita mo Charlotte!" Sumisigaw na uli si Kyler. Wala pang isang oras mula n'ong huli niya akong sinigawan. Hindi na ako magtataka kung mababasag na uli mamaya ang mga kandilang ginawa ko.

Maiksi kasi ang pasensya ni Kyler. Hindi madalas ang nga oras na kaya n'yang mag timpi.

Tinatry ko naman mag ayos ng ugali para sa kan'ya. Pero minsan hindi ko talaga kaya. Ganito talaga ako.

"Sorry" mahina kong sambit

"Pede bang makausap man lang kita ng maayos? Wala ka bang common sense?! Ang tali-talino mo pero pa tanga tanga ka parati!"

Nagagalit si Kyler sakin sa kadahilanang "insensitive" raw ang choice of words ko. Napag usapan kasi namin ang ate niya. Kinekwento niya na nasusuka raw ito at madalas siyang sinusungitan. I responded with, "baka buntis" at doon nagalit na siya. Kung ano ano ang sinabi niya, na kesyo mababa daw ang tingin ko sa ate niya at hindi daw ako maingat sa mga sinasabi ko.

"I'm sorry Kyle" I told him. Maybe I was insensitive. But I don't know what else to comment. I thought he was leading onto that.

"Tangina wag mo nga ako kausapin! Kakabwisit" Iniwan niya ako sa sarili niyang kwarto. I looked at my fingernails. I don't know what to do anymore.

Isa iyon sa mga palagiang pagkakataon na nagagalit si Kyle sakin dahil sa mga salitaan ko. Maaring tama siya, but I find it extreme on how much he shouts at me and makes me feel like I'm stupid.

Bumabawi na lang ako sa kan'ya sa ibang bagay.

Tumayo ako at niligpit ang kwarto niya bago ko niligpit ang mga gamit ko. Uuwi nalang muna siguro ako. Tutal, mukang isang araw na naman akong hindi papansinin ni Kyle. Kilala ko na 'yan, mag v-video games lang 'yan magdamag.

Umuwi na ako nang deretso. Susunduin nalang daw ako ni Charles sa kanto. Sinabi ko kasi nag galit na uli saakin si Kyler. Nainis na naman si Charles dahil napaka irresponsable daw ni Kyler para pabayaan akong umuwi mag isa pero ayaw kong magkaaway sila kaya pinagtanggol ko si Kyle at sinabing ako ang kusang umalis.

My heart felt heavy. I want to cry but I know I can't cry in the middle of walking. Hindi ko ginugustonh magalit si Kyle sakin pero kahit ano atang gawin ko o sabihin ko nauulit at nauulit padin.

Charles smiled at me the moment he sees me.

"Tara ice cream?" He said.

I might appear to be robotic but I genuinely felt overwhelmed that time. Sobrang naluluha ako with the fact that Charles was there. And he's willing to make me feel better.

Naglakad kami papunta sa mini-stop at umupo sa tabihan. Tahimik lang kami hanggang sa narinig kong nag picture si Charles.

"Ganda mo dito" sabi ni Charles "Upload mo dali"

I looked at the picture. It was a really good shot. I was looking sideways and holding ice cream. It was upload worthy.

Come to think of it, I don't upload much on social media. I have many followers because Kyler's pretty much of an influencer and they all kind of followed me too.

"Okay" sabi ko. Charles airdropped the ohoto and I upload it to instagram. I immediately received likes the moment I upload it.

It was exactly two minutes when my phone vibrated with Kyler's message.

From: Kyle

{link} Ano to Charlotte? Papansin kana? Upload ka pa ng picture para mas lalong painitin ang ulo ko? Umayos ka naman! Tangina.

My heart raced so fast

[To: <Kyle>] Me: Sorry. I'll delete it.

I immediately went to instagram to delete it. Huminga ako ng konti. Konting pag a-adjust. Tutal mahirap din naman ako intindihin. Naiintindihan ko si Kyler. Mahirap ako mahalin. Swerte ko nga dahil tinitiis n'ya padin ako. Kailangan ko bumawi.

I'm aware that I could be robotic. I don't respond vert well and my social skills are zero. According to him. That's why he don't introduce me to his friends. I understand. I'm aware.

But it hurts.

It pains my robotic heart.

"Okay kalang?" Natauhan ako sa pagsasalita ni Calvin. It looks like I spaced out. Those were a bad bad memory. It still stings to death.

"Hindi. Bakit?" Tanong ko. Tumingin ako sa kanya "May tanong ako"

"Go ahead" He looked pleased to hear whatever it is that's coming out my mouth.

"When you say that me being straightforward was amazing. Is it sarcastic?" Tanong ko.

I felt like I needed to know. Isa iyan sa mga naging problema namin noon ni Kyler. He told me that no one could ever understand me because I'm too naive. I could never be street smart, according to him. I believed him. Most of the time Kyler's always gotten into my mind.

His forehead creased "No. Of course not, does it seemed like that? I'm sorry" He said "It was genuine. The way you view things is amazing. I'm fascinated the way you could speak your mind. I struggle with that. You're good at something I'm not. I find you a... delight"

There's a twist in my stomach

"You're genuine personality is mesmerizing Charlotte. Don't hesitate to be who you are"