✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

73. A Secret Revealed

"Not such a big deal," Tess shrugged, and pushed the phone away. "Talking to Ffrances about a Christmas gift. There's something I wanted to ask for, but I left it kind of late because I was embarrassed to say."

"I can understand that," Spike answered. "I did the same, but Ffrances went out of her way to help me with what I wanted. And I'm still embarrassed to say, worrying that if I tell my friends I'll jinx it or something."

"Your passport? I don't know why that's something to be embarrassed about, but I can understand the nerves. I'm glad we met Ffrances. She can help both of us with our embarrassing little problems, I guess."

"Yeah. And I want to tell you why, I really do. But it seems like a weird thing to come out with. Actually..." He paused, biting his lip for a second. "I don't know if you actually know. Maybe not. Do you know my name?"

"Umm... Jason?" Tess giggled. "No, I'm sure we talked about it. Spike is your real name, I know you tell everybody that when they ask. Wait... is it like a middle name, and your passport's going to come back saying like 'Napoleon Spike Torrance'? Or 'Railroad'?"

He chuckled at the last one, and shook his head.

"No, not that. Spike is my first name, I swear. But I don't remember telling you my surname. Did you hear it from one of the teachers?"

"You were getting worried about your report card last year, I think. That has your name on. I would probably have forgotten, but Mindy mentioned it recently. When she was warning me off."

"Typical. Well, that means I can't sneak it past without telling you, then. I just... I don't know why it makes me so nervous. Like I'm bursting to tell somebody, it's like a problem shared and all that. But every time I think about it, I'm looking around and wondering who's listening. I'll show you when it arrives, I'll promise you that."

"You don't have to tell me, but I'm happy to listen. Always there for support. I'd be happier if my problem can go away on its own, and nobody else would ever know. It's making me so nervous, hard to focus sometimes. I think about it and then I can't clear my head, can't focus enough to get my homework done. But I'm working around it, and if I need help I can find out who I need to talk to. If it goes on much longer... it's like you hate keeping a secret, it feels like lying, but you know people wouldn't understand. Right?"

"Yeah. And if you want somebody to confide in... I promise I won't judge you. As long as it's not hurting anybody else, I mean, but I'll listen. Maybe I can offer advice, depending what kind of problem it is. But if it's causing secondary problems due to stress, well..."

"Hmm?"

"Maybe that's something else you can talk to Ffrances about. She could have some advice. She's got a whole dictionary of coping mechanisms that work for different people to help them calm down. She was telling me that there's all kinds of different things that help different people; ways to distance yourself from your problem so it doesn't affect the rest of your life. I mean, some of them are pretty surprising, but if you can find something that helps I'm sure it would be worth it."

"Yeah," Tess nodded, and then realised that was something Ffrances had said before. That acting like a little kid for a day was a way to relax for some people. She'd tried that once, and it had been fun for reasons that she couldn't admit to Gabby or Ffrances. But thinking back now, she couldn't help wondering if it had also made it harder to get over her problem. Every time she woke up to a wet diaper now, she was feeling and acting a little childish for a couple of minutes, and she knew that Gabby had sensed that. Maybe it helped her feel calm, and worry less about the problem... but at the same time, she couldn't help worrying that those childish feelings might slow down her return to normal. Wasn't bedwetting supposed to be a childish thing?