Constantly Recurring (Perpetually Series #3)

08

Chapter 08

"Here's a water" Calvin offered a bottle as I was out of breath. It's the second time we've hang out to play volleyball and so far it was good. He's good at playing too. I wonder where he learned.

"You good?" He asked. I nodded. I'm good, I feel better. Honestly, the first time I invited him up for a game was because memories of Kyler appeared to my mind again. It was about our conversation about volleyball. Then after that, I invited Cal up for a play because I wanted to be reminded by the inexplainable good feeling of sore forearms and worked up sweats. I figured it would be awkward at first but Cal was easy to get along with. He's easy to talk to.. he's good at keeping up a conversation. And he doesn't force me to talk if I don't want to.

"Thank you again" I mumbled. He let out a good smile. There were pearls of sweat forming on his forehead but his almost perfect almond skin doesn't make sweats look bad. He wasn't looking at my way so I could see his sharp jawline and long lashes. He ran his hands through his shaggy mud-brown hair and there, I could see his eyes and it was in the lightest shade of brown as the sun was directed towards us.

Sun. Calvin reminds me of the sun.

There's a space between us. He always establish comfortable distance. We're approximately three quarters a meter apart. I lift my knees so I could hug it. I hold tight to the water that he gave.

This feels right.

"I learned volleyball from my friend Giselle" Calvin initiated "She's a good varsity player in Green Valleys. It's my current University. We go to the same school. I heard she's quitting. I wonder if that's true"

"Why don't you ask?" I mean if she's his friend he must've know or something. Or he could ask.

He smiled "Giselle is a very busy and a very private person. She rarely bond with us since she finished high school"

"Ah.." I don't know how to respond. I literally think that I'm the living definition of awkwardness. If awkwardness and anxiety could be a person, I'll be it.

"Green Valleys is a good University, you should try if they're already open for admission. Do you have any plans for college?" His voice was soothing. I think he should try podcasts.

"Hindi pa ako sure sa program ko.. wala pa akong nagugustuhan na course" lumingon ako sa kanya

His eyes danced. Probably because that was the longest thing I've ever said today. And it was a thing that made sense. Huh. Papanindigan n'ya talaga ang pagiging kaibigan sakin ah.

Mahirap ako maging kaibigan.

Mahirap akong mahalin.

I look at the ball besides me. His loud voice was at it again. I immediately put my left hand of my left ear. I could hear... him. I could hear Kyler again.

"Hindi" sabi ni Kyler. His eyes wereon fire. His jaw is clenching "Hindi ka magv-volleyball"

Sa ibang bagay ay pinalalagpas ko si Kyler. Pero dito hindi. Ibang usapan na to. Volleyball is my passion. My first love. It came right before he was. I wouldn't easily give up on this just because he said so.

"Pero yun ang gusto ko" sabi ko "Gusto ko mag volleyball"

Tuluyan nang nagalit si Kyle "Hindi nga sabi! Kita mo ba kung gano kaiiksi ang mga sinusuot dun na short? Ano ka? Papansin? Gusto mo magtinginan ang mga lalaki sayo?"

We're on a park and there's people around. I could feel eyes looking on us but I couldn't help but bawl my eyes out. Tears keep falling on falling.

Breath, Charlotte. Maiintindihan ka din n'yan.

"Pero gusto ko talaga mag-laro nun e!" Hindi ko mapigilan taasan ang boses ko.

"Hindi ka ba nakakaintindi?!?!" Tanong niya "Ayaw ko nga! Ayaw ko. Mapapabayaan mo pag aaral mo sa volleyball volleyball na yan. Masisira schedule natin" he held my chin "Isa pa, ayoko pinagtitinginan ang pag aari ko Charlotte" he said "Akin ka lang. Akin ka lang"

My tears keep on falling "I really want volleyball babe" I looked uo to him "Please"

"No, Charlotte" he said "Pag sinabi kong hindi, hindi"

"Paano naman yung gusto ko? Paano naman ako?" Sabi ko. Tears keep on falling.

"Pucha ang drama!" He said "Tigil tigilan mo nga yan Charlotte. Alam mo ba kung gaano ka kahirap mahalin? Pakisamahan?"

Tears just keeps on falling

"Put— wag kang umiyak iyak jan! Ano ka kawawa? Tas ako pa ang masisisi? Tigil tigilan mo kaiiyak mo! Sawang sawa na ako sa drama na to Charlotte. Kung gusto mo mag volleyball, hiwalayan mo nalang ako"

I couldn't leave him. I loved volleyball, but not as much as I love Kyle.

I can't lose Kyle so I have to let go.

I opened my eyes. Not a good memory. That was not the last time we talked about volleyball but he kept winning because I was too scared to lose him.

I loved him that much way back then.

"Really? STEM ka diba? Do you like something engineering related or medicine?" Calvin continued the conversation. My eyes was damp. His death made it harder to move on from those bad experiences.

Pinunasan ko pero nakita iyon ni Calvin. He looked freaked out from my peripheral vision.

"Did I say something wrong?" He was freaking out. He summoned a fresh towel from his bag "Are you okay? Can I ask what's going on?"

Oddly, I had an urge to tell him. He doesn't know me quite well. Maybe he could understand. Maybe I could use some fresh perspective.

"Is it okay for you to listen?" I asked. His lips parted. And then he stared at me. It was as if I said something unbelievable. What's wrong? Is he not in the mood to listen? I saw how he held tight to the grass and look down. A smile formed on his face.

"You are free to say no, you are not obligated to listen naman. I understand—" he cut me off

"No. No. No. I'm very willing to listen" his teeth looked perfect. If there's such a thing as perfect smile. He might have it.

"Why are you smiling?" I unconsciously asked. I was looking at his smile.

"It just feels good" he said

"Ano?" Tanong ko. What does he mean?

"That you're willing to share to me" he said. He took a deep breath "And that finally, someone asked if it is was okay for me to listen... no one has done that to me before"

My heart.. weirdly raced. He looked at me in the eyes.

"Only you, Charlotte"