How Winter Failed Us

Winter

Isn't it funny how the year begins and ends with winter?

It's how our love began, and ended.

It was snowing outside, I was standing there staring up at the snowflakes when you ran into me. Running away from your friends snowball throws.

We looked at each other at the same time, our eyes met, and for a second...just a split second...I felt like running away. The moment you ran into me and we looked at each other, for that one second, it felt as if my heart was begging me to leave.

But you should listen to your head, not your heart, right? Your heart wants silly things, it throws tantrums. Your head is where the knowledge is.

You apologised and smiled at me, and in that time I already felt the world getting brighter. I felt my heart skip a beat. I felt my feet getting lighter. You somehow did that, all with one movement of your lips.

I remember that day clearly, too clearly almost. As if it was yesterday, which a part of me wishes it was. Maybe I could have stopped myself from the trouble, and the heart ache.

It's not a happy story, yet here I am, saying it out loud.

A week later, a week of messaging and laughs and barely sleeping just to get those last few hours of conversation in.
I feel like that's how they all begin...where everything seems too perfect.

It wasn't until a month later, almost at the end of January, where you told me those 3 words. The words anyone would be happy to hear if they wanted to hear them for so long. And I was happy, truly. I was so happy in fact, I said it back.

And out of all the things I regret in my life so far, from small ones, to big ones. That's the biggest one. Maybe, just maybe, if those words didn't leave my lips then it'd put you off. Because those words are what you wanted to hear. And I soon after learnt that when you don't get the things you want,

you grow cold.

Just as cold as the weather on a snowy January night. As cold as the month of Winter, combined together. The type of cold that, simply put, stings.

Although...I didn't realise that until I have already madly fallen over for you. Which at that point I couldn't care much. I told myself, I'll learn to deal with it, I'll learn to move past it and so will you.

I thought you wanted to be with me, and I still believe that, but instead now I think it was only for a short while. After you started finding out that I didn't love sunny hot summer days like you did. I loved the cold. After you started finding out that I didn't really care where I spent my Christmas, as long as it was with my family unlike you, who spent it in a different oceanside resort every year. After you found out things like that, I feel like you grew colder.

But, I didn't mind.

I loved the cold after all, and I was willing to deal with it after Winter was over. As long as it came from you.

- Part 1, Winter