SUICIDE: THE DAY I KILL MYSELF (Oneshot)

SUICIDE

The Day I kill myself...

A tight grip on a thick rope with a knot,

Tears dripping, a sob escaping. I'm not crying, no I'm not.

I need a tall and strong chair, not for a comfortable sit.

But a chair to step, for the biggest deep-breathing exit.

Standing tall, working on my final act you'll see.

Like a circus in a exhibition, you'll witness the sweetest ecstasy.

As I jump with a rope tied tightly on me, I'm lost.

I wanna see you smiling and clapping the best for me-adiós

_______________.________________._______________

"Mom, I need something to tell on you." I said as I approached my mom busy cooking something for our lunch.

"Cut the crap Jio, What do you need this time?." She said without facing me.

"Mom, I'm Tired." I said without looking at her spot. I can hear the ladle clink as she put it down.

"Then Rest." She said as she go to the sink to wash the dishes.

"It's not that Mom! I'm depressed!." There, I finally said it. A single tear slip on my face as I said that, I can feel the relief inside of me, It lightens me up a lil bit.

"That's just a phase Jio, You'll get through it." She said as she held me up then take me to seat.

"But Mom, It's not like that. It's killin' my happiness, it's killin' me slowly." I said as I swallow the lump on my throat, trying my very best to not break down in front of my mom.

"Then Go to the party, go to you're friends, hang-out with them, do shopping, do the things that makes you happy. Have fun."

I harshly combed my hair using my hands and shake my head in disbelief.

"It's not what you think mom."

"Then What it is?"

"They're always in my head! It takes away my sanity! It makes me insane! It swallows me, like a mole in wood it slowly eating me little by little. I don't know what to do anymore mom!"

Tears are streaming down on my face, my hands are keeps on trembling, my heart is beating fast as if I run for miles. I hardly catch my breath, I gasp for air trying my very best to control this strong emotions that starting to arise.

"It's like a chain that tightly holds me down for doing the things that I want, a steel bars that imprisons me for growing, a door and windows that locked me up for seeing the beauty of life, that stops me for seeing the beauty of living, for seeing the good things."

I said as I fall on my Mom's arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

"You'll going to get through this son, Trust me. That's just a normal phase that everyone is facing." She said as she hold my hand that is not stopping from trembling.

I angrily loose my grip on her.

"You don't understand me Mom." I snorted and laugh bitterly.

"No one understands what I'm feeling! No One!" I said then immediately goes upstairs.

I laid my back on the cold soft bed, staring at the blank ceiling, tears are still flowing.

"Everybody say that I'm just sick, that what I'm feeling is just a normal phase, that I'm just delusional, emotionally unstable and whatever."

"I'm Tired, I'm really, really exhausted. No one understands me."

"I'm Emotionally, physically, mentally wounded."

"I'm Tired."

That's the things that repeatedly circling in my mind,

"Maybe If I end up my life, all my sufferings will end up too."

The last idea that come up to my mind.

I immediately get up on my bed and go to the bathroom. I roamed my eyes to the wholeness of it.

I feel amaze as I saw many things that will be my remedy. I grab all the things that I saw, and lay them out on my study table.

I slowly touch and feel each one of them.

"A blade, that would be surely bloody asf."

"A bottle of sleeping pills, boring"

"A garbage bag, No thanks it'll surely takes time to end up my life."

"A tub full of water, not bad tho."

"Then A rope" I immediately grab the rope and hold it tightly.

I pull up the chair then find some strong spot to tie the rope then climb on it afterwards.

"Oh Wait, to give a little excitement. I should've give them a heart melting farewell."

I said and laugh drastically then immediately get down on the chair and write my suicide note.

"There, I love you Mom, dad and Brix my lil kiddo. It'll never be your fault mom, dad or by anyone. I choose this way, this is the only way that I know to end all of this. I will going to miss y'all. I Love you." I said as the tears uncontrollably fell from my eyes again and slowly make my way on the top of the chair.

My hands are trembling, so do my body. I wipe my tears and put the rope on my neck.

For the last time I look at the family picture on my wall. I took a glance on the little version of me, those smile, those smile that I used to know well.

"I wish I know what do the happiness mean, I wish I knew how to be happy, again." I said as the chair tumbles down.

Shock was written on my face as I saw my lil brother, smiling at me innocently.

"W-What did you do? W-Why?" I said gasping for air as I feel the rope slowly tightening up.

"Helping you out? Making it easier for you?" He said innocently as he slowly licks his lollipop then go out on my room, as I hear a silent click of the door knob as he locked it.

"You really are my best buddy Brix." I said as a sad lil smile automatically registered on my face.

All the bad and good memories starts to play like a film inside my head as the the darkness succumb me, and lost my consciousness. Thinking if this is the bittersweet ending that I really want? or not?.

Suicide, It's the one mistake you won't live to regret.