Someone Who Cared

    Have you ever been ignored by someone you truly cared about? Do you know the feeling of rejection? The tight, devastation in your heart?

  I knew those feelings all too well. It seemed as though I was put into this world only to get my heart broken. You see, I have a special “ability”. I have the ability to see if people actually do care about me. If I tune into my ability and walk up to someone, saying anything, and they don’t respond…..well, that’s because they can’t see me. The ones who do care see me every time.

  I call it a curse. Although you might be curious to know who cares and who does not, what if the person you thought cared about you the most didn’t see you? How would you feel? The curiosity to know was strong, but the crushing defeat of it all was enough for me to rarely tune into my curse.

  Was it so wrong to want to live in ignorance?

  Because of the curse, I kept people at bay, not wanting to be hurt. In school, I sat in the farthest corner and ate by myself at lunch time. I had no friends, because I couldn’t tell anyone of my curse. Why should I tell them? It wouldn’t be fair. They would be on constant guard of me tuning into my curse. It was selfish of me to use it, too. However, it also made me very reluctant to put my heart out there and trust.

  I was drowning in the constant what if.

  Then he showed up.

  My heart wanted to put itself out there, to take a chance, to trust he wouldn’t crush it in a million pieces. But my brain kept me from doing so. He would smile at me so warmly, it made my heart clenched.

  Still, I did not put my heart out there.

  He would always interrupt my solitude lunch, forcing me to talk to him, but not unkindly. In fact, he was the kindest person I knew and genuinely seemed to care.

  Still, I refused to surrender my heart.

  Weeks passed, but he did not give up hope. He pursued without forcefulness, showing me warmth I did not comprehend. He would sit next to me in the back corner of class, making me forget dark thoughts.

  And still, I found myself reluctant to take a chance.

  His bright smile chased away my depression. He became the sun of a rainy day. The calm of the storm. He was the beginning of spring, bringing back something that had been killed by winter. He was the birth of something new, something magical, stirring a fresh and warm feeling inside of me. He was the white blooming of Dogwoods, the sweet scent of nectar. He was the warmth of an endless feeling of cold despair.

  And yet…..my heart covered itself with walls covered in thorns, refusing to be hurt.

  He would not be shaken. No matter how many times I thought my actions would push him away, he held steadfast, in fact clinging harder to whatever he hoped would happen. I knew he wanted me to give my heart to him, and I knew he would not abuse it.

  Then one day, a thought crossed my mind. It was as though someone else had put it there. Why would I ever consider something so unfair? One day, though, I decided to take advantage of my curse. As he was talking to a group of people, I walked over to him. I spoke his name quietly and held my breath, waiting for his response.

  He did not turn. He did not stop talking with the people. In fact, his friends did not see me, either.

  He could not see me.

  Tears threatened to leak from my eyes and I fled down the long halls and out in the cold, stormy weather. It seemed fitting for the weather to be so eerie. Spring was no more. The cold, numb of winter once again covered my heart. It was then, and only then, that I realized I had started to put my heart out there. Otherwise, why would it hurt so much? It hurt more than I had ever felt any pain in my life. It hurt more than a scraped knee or a broken limb.

  Finally, I knew what it was to be sick in the heart.

  Before the cold could cover my whole heart, a hand curled around mine. I turned to see him, smiling down at me. My heart constricted, but I could feel no anger in my heart towards him. All I felt was sadness.

  And to me, he had this to say, “Did you really think I couldn’t see you? That I would turn away from you in your hour of need? Have I ever given you reason to doubt me?”

  I stayed quiet, my lip trembling.

  “Sometimes,” he continued. “you have to take a chance, even if you get hurt. It’s the vulnerability that allows someone to love you, but you won’t let yourself be vulnerable. Don’t you see, love? I would never betray you. I would never abuse your love. I would do anything to keep your heart safe from hurt and betrayal. But first you have to give your heart to me.”

  The tears fell freely from my eyes now. I was afraid, despite his words of reassurement. I understood everything he said, pondering it in my heart of secrets. I didn’t want to be hurt, but he was right. In order to be hurt or to be love, I had to take a chance.

  “I give you my heart,” I whispered.

  By uttering those simple, five words, I found an unshakable love I could never have imagined. He kept his promise. Although my heart was caused turmoil from others, he never caused any of the sadness inside it. He was my best friend; I told him absolutely everything, holding nothing back. He was my protector, shielding me from pain as much as he could. He was my healer; if a bit of pain escaped him, he would heal it in my heart. He was my love, all my longing and passion going only for him.

  But most of all, he was my feeling. Without him, I would fall back into the numb girl I had been. I could never truly feel without him. I never ceased to be amazed by him, constantly surprised.

  He taught me to take a chance, and I did.

  In him, I found love.

  In love, I found everything.

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A/N This is something I wrote for college. Thought I'd share it on here!