Me, myself and I

I am scared

I am scared.
I am scared of falling in love.
Everyone always talks about the good part in relationships, you know, the love, the romantic dates, the gifts, the intimacity, the butterflys.
I imagine it so wonderful, so perfect.
But what am I scared of then?
The parts, that no one talks about, the part where its hurts. The Part, with insecuritys, the part of hurting, of getting hurt.
I am so scared that I am gonna get hurt. I dont want to feel like my heart is ripped in pieces, i dont want to have Minutes of hell when my partner and me break up.
I dont want to loose a friendship I just won, because I am falling in love with this person.
I love this person. I really do.
But i dont know how, is it friendship?
Is it a crush?
Or is it even love
Is it the risk worth of loosing this friendship?
I crave her with all I am,
I crave for her touch,
for her compliments, for her hugs,
for everything with her.
I think I dont even care that much, to get hurt, I care about loosing her.
Its okey, if I get hurt, as long as she is still there and I know that I will be okey. I am thinking of her every day, I cant stop.
And then I lay in my bed and just hope that everything will go well.
That I can stop thinking of her and no one gets hurt. And I hope, that she isnt thinking the same as me, that she isnt going through hell, because of her own thoughts, like me.
I just want to feel okay.