Lellena: The Love Story

I fell for you

Still no sight of them. After maths, I walk around college proudly displaying Marcas, looking for some members, but I don't find any. What kind of joke
is this??? It's so not fair, how can they be here, yet I can't even meet them.

I look around again, and OMG IS THAT YANGYANG?!?!!? No it's not, it's just my reflection in a window. How disappointing.

I can't even eat anything at dinner, I have no appetite. I'm absolutely heartbroken, I don't think I'll ever eat again. Not even ketchup, which I LOVE. I scroll through some Jason edits, but even those can't cheer me up today.

That's how Mabel knows it's bad. Jason edits ALWAYS cheer me up.

"Come on," she says, "let's go look again, maybe they'll be eating in the refectory now!"

I say nothing. How can I, when I'm devasted. I feel empty.

"Hmmm maybe not, they haven't posted anything since this morning, maybe they're in a meeting or something. Orrrr maybe they're warming up for a surprise performance!!!" she suggests.

"Maybe." I sigh. "I just don't understand why we can't meet them. It's my DREAM. I'd never want anything else ever again. Except to meet Jason obviously, hopefully that'll happen when I go to his concert in summer."

I hug Marcas even closer, which shouldn't be possible. I rest my chin on them and stare out the window, hoping against all hopes that NCT will appear soon.

I spend the whole of dinner like that, thinking about what I'd say if I met Lucas. I LOVE him. I don't even think I can describe how much. 26 letters in the English alphabet, an infinite amount of words... yet none of them are enough to say what I feel.

Then it's time to go to chemistry. I normally LOVE chemistry, it's so fun and interesting!!! It's definitely my favourite subject, I'm so passionate about it! But I just can't today. I'm gonna break down. I tell Mabel that I'm just going to the bathroom. That's true, but I won't be going to the toilet, I'll be crying.

When I get there, I lock myself in a stall, but then realise that I can't exactly put Marcas on the floor. Who knows what's on the floor here. Great, I can't even cry now. I struggle to open the door and stomp out, freezing when I see how awful I look in the mirror. Best not to think about that though, it'll only make me even more sad. I drag myself out of the bathroom, holding Marcas on my hip, but they just won't sit right and they're really stressing me out. And then I do it. I don't know why I do it, but I do. I'm just so angry and fed up that I throw Marcas in a blind fit of rage.

"Urgh!" is all I hear, and then a series of thuds as someone presumably falls down the stairs.
Oh no. What have I done? I quickly rush to the stairs and look down, praying that I haven't just killed somebody. I'm not a murderer, I swear, I'm just in love with them.

"Oh. My. God." I breathe. "No way(v)."