Never Saw This Coming

Drunken Conversations.

Xander

After spending most of the day at the beach, Cgc decided we should spend the rest of the night at a nightclub. We walked the streets of LA for about an hour before finally finding one we thought was good enough to stay at. Like probably any other Friday night, it's full to the brim with people. We struggled to find a couple of seats close to the dance floors and bar. The place is pretty big which is good except it means more people fit in here.

I've been feeling a lot better lately since the stress from midterms is off my shoulders now. I'm slowly getting back to the better version of myself but the worse version comes out to play now and then. Sometimes when I least expect it. Right now, I'm having a good time. I've had a couple of shots now, the buzz hitting me slowly. I started taking my antidepressants again since I started going to therapy. It was a struggle getting used to them again at first, but I feel good now. I just hope the amount of alcohol I hope to consume this week won't fuck with my mental state.

The music blares throughout the place and people dance and sing along all around us. Nova and Christian are the only ones dancing right now. We got here about an hour ago so not much has happened yet. Maddy sits next to Cgc who sits next to me. We make sure to keep a distance between us just like we usually would, but I can't help but glance at her every two fucking seconds. She wears a strapless white dress with some heels that tie around her calves. I don't know one thing about women's fashion but I do know that Maddy's the best-dressed woman that I know.

She looks amazing in anything.

Cgc takes me out of my thoughts when he elbows my ribs. My injured ribs. I try not to wince so he won't ask what's wrong. I lied to my friends and said I tripped, they don't know how badly my ribs were fucking hurt. He takes a shot and then points at something straight ahead. I follow his finger and it's directed at two girls that dance somewhat near Novalee and Christian. We obviously don't know anyone from here, so they're unfamiliar to me. "What about them?" I ask Cgc. "Come with me to talk to them." He looks at them a little longer before turning to me.

I hesitate, looking over at Maddy. She's looking at me, her jaw muscles twitching. Her gaze drifts from me to Cgc. She taps his shoulder, getting his attention. I furrow my brows as he turns to look at her. She leans in and whispers something in his ear. He nods quickly and stands up. My eyes never leave her and she gets up after him. They walk together towards the dance floor. Seriously?! They stand close to our other friends and Maddy wraps her slender arms around Cgc's neck. She asked him to dance.

She doesn't look at me anymore and I roll my eyes internally. I don't want to look pissed. I'm not pissed and I have no right to be anyway. She can do whatever the hell she wants. Rhys scoots closer to me and shows me a picture on his phone. It's of him. I look at him disgusted. "What?" I ask. He just took it right now I can tell. "Should I post this on Insta?" he asks me. I narrow my eyes at him glancing at the picture on his phone again. He looks cute. "Sure, kid," I say. He smiles and scoots away from me again, tapping away on his phone.

I've just realized that Rhys and I have sort of drifted apart these last three months. I mean, I've been drifting apart from all my friends because of my depression but Rhys and I are actually good friends. During the season, I went out a lot and it was usually with Rhys. We all enjoy going out, but Rhys and I are the ones who enjoy it the most. He goes for the booze and I went for the booze, women, and the fun as well. I can't even count on two hands how many times we've gotten shit-faced together.

One time we both woke up on the front lawn of the Alpha house. We've been through some crazy shit me and him and I'm now just fucking realizing how much I miss doing all that. I miss being that Xander. Not because of the fun I got out of it but because that's truly the real me. I'm a crazy motherfucker and I've never hidden from it. Depression kills a person. I feel like it's been slowly rotting me these past couple of months. I hope I can start getting back to normal soon because I miss when I wasn't a total loser.