safe (natasha romanoff x female reader)

Chapter 1

Disclamer: This story mentions self-harm and torture so if these topics trigger you, now might be the time for you to click away. 

✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭

Red Room, 1990

You were 5 years old when you got taken away from your parents and led into a black van, crammed with about twenty other girls. They were all as scared and vulnerable as you. Neither of you knew where you were going, you were all begging for your parents, but of course, none of it was helping. However, a particular girl caught your eye. She had blue hair and green yet sunken eyes. You knew later on that her name was Natasha Romanoff, and she was a year older than you.

✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭

Despite the Red Room being really strict, the two of you basically depended on each other, trained together until it was your graduation ceremony. You were inseparable. After you left the Red Room, everything changed. The two of you saw each other less and less. After all, Natasha was your rock in the Red Room. Without her, you'd be dead, literally, you would've been killed. You never got the chance to thank her properly. Natasha started working for the KGB. You, on the other hand, got captured by HYDRA and tortured for years. It was not until 2016 where HYDRA as well as all of SHIELD got taken down fully. You knew it was thanks to Natasha, who had already joined the Avengers then, and Steve. 

The program at HYDRA changed you forever. You became more and more broken than you already were from the Red Room. After HYDRA got taken down, you were left alone. You even rarely thought of Natasha. You went back to the place you lived as a child, but it got taken down. Left with little money and nowhere to go, all you could do was to steal and be depressed. After all, you were alone, with no one to turn to. The Red Room killed your parents after they took you. Your entire family was dead. It took you about a week to find a proper apartment to live in. 

Every night, you had flashbacks and nightmares from when you were in both the Red Room and HYDRA. Though Natasha was there for you in the Red Room, that didn't stop the flashbacks of girls your age getting killed brutally in front of you. The constant flashbacks and nightmares pulled your deeper and deeper into a downward tunnel, along with loneliness. You have thought of looking for Natasha once, but you'd brush that thought away after thinking she'd forget you. To help stop the pain, you started harming yourself. You knew it brought you pain physically, but it helped mentally. Every time you did it, the mental pain disappeared for awhile. Though it wasn't a permanent solution, it helped you just right.

Not long after, you turned to killing. For money. Even though the organization that hired you paid a little, but it was enough for you to survive. You were given missions every week and had to complete them to get your money. 

After a few months, the organization got captured by SWORD, the new SHIELD. You definitely weren't aware that they changed their name since they got taken down. Since the organization you worked for got captured, so did you. 

You got taken to your holding cell and stayed there for about a week or so. That was when Director Fury came up to you and pitied you because you were young. 

"Why did you start killing for money?" Directory Fury asked. You were sat in your cell, face sunken and pale from not eating enough food the past few days. Your eyes shifted from looking at the floor to looking at Director Fury. He stood, waiting for an answer. 

You shrugged tiredly as he raised an eyebrow. "Fine, I have no money and no job," you muttered a little loudly so he was able to hear you. You heard him sigh as he opened your cell. You reluctantly stood up and followed him, scared of where you were being brought. 

You got into his car after him, looking out of the window and not saying anything. Realization hit you once he stopped outside of the Avengers compound. You were going to be their prisoner? Tears welled up in your eyes as the thought of the Avengers beating you up scared you. You definitely didn't want to go through that again.

"C'mon," Fury pulled you out of the car as you bit back tears, following him. After walking a few minutes, you found yourself walking towards another cell. You were sure this was the last time you'd get your freedom. Standing outside of that cell, was her. Natasha. 

✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭

"Y/N?" Natasha looked at you, eyes wide as you walked into the cell with Director Fury. "Hello Natasha," you replied with no emotions. Your eyes shifted to the ground as you said this, feeling the tears coming out of your eyes. You didn't want anybody to see you like this, let alone the friend you missed. 

"You know her?" You heard Fury whisper to Natasha. "Mhm, she... she was in the Red Room... with me," she stuttered. You continued looking down, not wanting to look at her face. 

You heard them walk away as Natasha said something to Fury you couldn't hear. You were alone. Again. You took this as an opportunity to sit down and let out all your feelings, crying yourself to sleep on the floor of that little cell in the Avengers compound. "Yay, another round of nightmares in an unknown place," you thought to yourself.

The next day, Director Fury came in again. But this time, he was with Steve and Natasha. You stared at both Fury and Steve, avoiding eye contact with Natasha. 

Fury cleared his throat. "Y/N, I have discussed with the team, we have two options for you right now. A, you join us in being an Avenger. Which means, you get a second chance in life. Or B, you go to jail for the rest of your life, which I'm pretty sure you do not want. We'll give you the afternoon to think." He walked away. Steve and Natasha stayed. 

You rolled your eyes at them. "You're not going with him?" You asked, annoyed. "No, we don't have anything to do, so we wanna know more about you." Steve started.

"I didn't say I would join you," you looked away, "plus, I'm pretty sure Natasha knows enough about me already." 

"You two know each other?" Steve asked in confusion. Both Natasha and you nodded slowly. "We were in the Red Room together when we were kids." Natasha mumbled as you nodded again. Steve raised his eyebrows as he took a seat. "I think you should make up your mind quickly." 

You started thinking. You wanted to be with Natasha again, and wanted a new start in life, but at the same time, you didn't want her to hate you further.

Time passed quickly as you took your time in picking the right choice. 

It was 3 in the afternoon when you finally picked your choice.