the archive of my youth

inspired by chekhov

It was a new day, a new chance to be great again, even better. Christian had a tough night. His girlfriend committed su1c1de two days ago, and he found out yesterday about it.

She left him a note.

Christian, I don't even know how to start this letter. I want you to know that I always loved you, and forever will, even after I do what I must, what I need. Don't think it's because of you and don't think you didn't help me. Because you did. And I will forever be thankful to you. I'm doing this for myself because I can't live with this pain that bleeds inside of me. I love you forever. -E

He cried the whole night, reading that note over and over again. His parents were at work and he needed to get ready for college. He couldn't stop thinking about her. And what he could've done so she could've felt better.

Little does he know he couldn't do anything.

It was a normal day at school, but not for him. People were acting completely usual like nothing happened, even though they know about the tragedy.

He sat in class, trying to hold back his tears.

On a break, a guy came to him and sat with him.

"Hey man...Are you okay?" the guy asked.

"Not...really", Christian said on the edge of tears. "My girlfriend passed away two days ago"

"She killed herself right?"

"Yeah..."

"You shouldn't be that sad. It's her fault. If she loved you enough, she wouldn't have done that. I'm sorry that you have to go through this."

Christian couldn't say anything. He just wanted to talk with someone who would understand him and his pain. But no one understands.

He knows that she loved him. That's why it hurts even more.

After school, he went to the hospital to see her for the last time.

Her parents weren't there. No one was there. Just him and the doctors.

"I'm here to see Elizabeth. She died two days ago". Chris said to one of the doctors.

"Are you her relative?"

"N-no-"

"I'm sorry sir, you can't see her".

"I'm her fiancée"

"Alright then". The doctor showed him where the room is.

He entered the room with her lifeless body. He saw her face, her beautiful, innocent face. He couldn't help but start crying.

"Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I can't help but think that I could've done something more. I know you don't want to see me like this, but I can't help it. I should've done more. You didn't deserve this. No one does. Life was cruel to you. It was never your fault for anything that has happened to you. People don't know what you've been through and why you did this, and they shouldn't. I had this plan of proposing to you. But I was too late. I hope you're at peace up there. I'll always love you, my love. I miss you". he wiped his tears and kissed her on the forehead. He took out the ring he had in his pocket since the day he bought it for her. He put the ring on her finger and kissed her hand.

Doctors came in and cast her body. Chris stood there and watched everything.

"Our condolences". doctors said.

"Thank you". Chris said back.

They left him in a room alone. Christian felt empty. His heart was beating fast. His tears were still falling. He knew it was time for the funeral. He had to organize it.

In the morning, Chris was already up since he couldn't sleep the whole night.

Today is the funeral. He is not ready to let go.

He arrived at the graveyard and found her grave.

His watch said 3:15 P.M. People he invited should've been here already.

But no one came. He waited till 6 P.M. and no one showed up. It was just him and his girlfriend.

He sat next to her grave and cried. He cried until he couldn't breathe anymore.

No one cared for her. He finally saw what his girlfriend saw every day.

He went back home. He lay down and closed his eyes. That's the last thing he remembered. He never got to see the light of a new day ever again.