We never had enough time//Soukoku Angst

We never had enough time

CHUUYA POV:
Waking up always seemed like a bother. The only reason I get up is to end lives. What a cruel existence. I always seemed to have to force myself out of bed, since I always tried to think of a way to skip out on work. But alas, here I am. Out of my comfy bed sheets and pulling clothes from my closet. Sometimes I just want to hide away in my closet forever and not have to worry about work or having to see that shitty Osamu every day. What's the point in going to work if I'm already late? It's already noon. I've missed a good 3 hours of work. I should though. Its better to be late then just skip out entirely. I sighed a heavy sigh and continued to look for something to wear today.

I put on a plain white shirt and a black blouse.
Hanging down from my jacket was a bunch of red fabric. Mostly for design but at least it covered up my torso pretty well. I then sat down on my messed up bed and pulled on some pants zipping up the zipper. I shrugged and walked toward the bathroom flicking on the light switch. I just stared at myself in the mirror. I stared back into my own reflection yet it seemed unlike my own. Or what I wish I looked like. I hated my appearance; I was too feminine for a boy. I was often called "pretty" or "like a porcelain doll" which I hated. Why couldn't I be taller or more masculine? Why did I have to be born like this. I hated everything about myself. But I had to live with it because that's the look I was given. Another deep sigh.
I popped on my hat; the same one I had been wearing for 3 years. It was special to me.
Sat on the sink next to me was the collar that Dazai had given me. I picked it up and played with it between my fingers. A light smile went across my face which as soon as I had noticed it went away just as fast as it came. "Tch, why would I smile after thinking about that waste of bandages." A sort of mumble to myself more than anything.
I pulled my hair back exposing my neck and my pale skin.
I pressed the cold collar against my neck and clipped it into the back. I spun it around so that the gold accent was facing the front and facing the world. With a sigh I walked out of the bathroom at flicked off the lights.
I walked through the dirty place that was my so called apartment. I couldn't believe that an 18 year old lived in this mess. There were empty  bottles of wine scattered throughout the house and on tables. The sheets to my bed were messed up from me tossing and turning all night and not to mention the clothes that were scattered in random places; some on the couch, some on the floor, and some hanging from the door frames or hanging from the side of a window. I'm honestly to tired from work when I get home so I just open a bottle of wine, get drunk and eventually fall asleep. That's always how it goes.
Every night.
With a heavier sigh this time I walked toward the door avoiding my mess of a room and turned the key into the door unlocking it.
I stepped outside and took a deep breath preparing myself for the day. For some odd reason I felt like today something bad was going to happen to me or someone close to me.

I walked out onto the street. Walking amongst the normal people slow and casually past them. As far as they know I'm just a regular guy, not some member of the mafia. Honestly by that logic anyone could be anything. You could walk past a group of 5 teenagers and not know that one of the them is just a psychopath pretending to be normal.
I over think things far too much. It's stupid of me to do that right? Overthinking always leads to more issues than it solves. So why do it in the first place? Well not like I have a choice, that's just how I am.
Stupid thoughts. I just want to block them all out. Oh how it would be nice to just not think about anything important or not have any worries of what tomorrow will bring.
I bet that stupid Dazai knows what not thinking about anything is like. Geez the guy never takes anything serious anymore. Not like he ever did in the first place. Shitty Dazai has just a rock for a brain. He started drinking and smoking at the age of 14. Surely that had to have something to do with it. I mean, I'm the exact same just a few years later. Right after the sheep betrayed me I smoked and drank with Dazai that night. It was the only time I've ever tolerated him. I had to admit we did have a good time. Before I had noticed it was already just before sundown. Holy crap. How long had I been walking for..? And where was I going?
I thought I was walking to the PM headquarters but maybe just in the general direction or just in a circle? I'm not sure anymore.