Forbidden Secrecy

Prologue: Decisions...

Prologue

 It was raining hard. Thundering pudders of rain smashed against the concrete, breaking the silence between Aaron and I. Everything was tearing apart at the seams. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to let go and let everything slip from my grasp. I loved him.

“I love you.”

When did I ever hear him utter those 3 words? Barely. He never did love me…did he? The rain seeped through my many layers.

Aaron inched towards me making the water spatter against my jeans. I blink back the possible tears about to fall. Another step spattered my jeans, again. I inhaled deeply. I had to be ready for this.

If he was going to harm me, kiss me or any other type physical action. I had to be prepared. I felt his hot breath press against my stone cold neck. I sucked in my fear — I was terrified. Months ago when we met I felt nothing but fear. But now it’s 2 months after and all I’ve felt is love. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe my emotions got the best of me. I suddenly realized; I never noticed Aaron’s.

“Wren.” Aaron breathed. I reverted back to reality. My vision returned I blinked a few times. His jet-black hair blended in with the dark, gloomy sky. To be honest, I had no idea what time of day it was…maybe noon or twilight…. His unreadable eyes weren’t so unreadable anymore — fear is what I sensed. “Do you really want to love me?”

 My eyes widened. I was about to blurt; “Yes, of course I do!”. But this was a serious answer — an answer that I wasn’t prepared for. I bit my lip nervously. I had to look deep down in my heart. Man, I felt like some kindergartener trying to see if I should take the cookie or not. But…my heart it’s not letting me. I know this sounds like cheese crap but it’s not. I touched my sterling, silver, diamond studded necklace. It said, ‘love’.  Did he really love me back then?

“Aaron,” I began. He looked down, his bangs covering his left eye. I inhaled deeply then placed my hands on my drenched cheeks. “In return of my answer, will you answer my question?”

He nodded rigidly and prepared for my question. Do you still love me, did you ever love me, what am I to you, why don’t you love me back? I yearned for all of his answers. But I said question. Do you still love or did you never love me? That’s the answer I’d die for. If I were to die right now, I wanted to be reassured that he loved me, or not.

“Do you actually love me?” — I swallowed down my fear and prepared for rejection.

He stood frozen. I bit my lip in nervousness and clenched my hands. I was now nearly sopping.

Thank you Vancouver, it’s just what I needed. I thought sarcastically and got lost in thought. Did I actually love Aaron? Or was I just in love with love? Did the pounding of my heart blind me, when Aaron neared?

Truthfully I had no real, honest answer to that. I really didn’t think about it.

“Are you willing to love me no matter what?” Aaron asked and pressed his hands against my arms. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t tell if I was about to cry or if it was just the rain getting in my eyes, either way, my eyes hurt. “Whether human or not?”

“What are we romantic saps?” I muttered and firmly pressed my hands against his chest. I don’t know. What’s my reply to his earlier question? “I’m not ready for everything to fall apart. I’m not ready for the seams to rip.” — I curled my hands and felt the tears run down my cheeks. “I’m not ready to be the holder of your truth. But I am in love with you.”

“Love is misused. Love is something deep and not something thrown at another. Does that answer your question?” Aaron smiled and rested his head on mine. Then say it…reassure me Aaron, was the only thought that came to mind. “I love you, Wren.”

My heart flipped. It wasn’t the first time he said that, but it was the first time in weeks since he has. I gasped in shock and shoved my head in his chest. I had a dreadful feeling this was goodbye. And I really didn’t want him to leave. He can’t leave! I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to walk on my own 2 feet again. Tessa was right I was pathetic alone. Everyone was right, I’m shy and I’ll never stand on my own with Aaron around. Before I met him I could — not very well but I could. Now everything is ruined. Everything was tearing apart.

I was in pain: mental, emotional pain. I was in confusion and unsteadiness. I couldn’t bear to believe this was the end. I let go of his shirt and tumbled on the damp grass. This was the end. I’m never going to see him again.

“I’m lonely. That’s why I can’t stand alone, no one is ever there to hold me up as I fall…” I murmured and hugged my knees. Nothing will be the same when he leaves. I’m not going to sulk, but my social ability will drop. It will drop like it was before. Before when I was known as: ‘whose that girl in the corner?’ and not Wynter Stone or Wren (the one girls’ envy). I’ll turn anti-social. I shoved my face in thighs and cried to my heart’s desire. I didn’t care anymore. I was insanely in pain. “I never asked to be alone! Aaron…”

Aaron was probably gone by now. Probably gone and never to return. The rain began to lighten but my heart didn’t. It weighed my whole body down. It felt as if it were a painful black hole sucking the life out of me. He left. Aaron probably, hopefully left. Why did I yearn for him to leave right now? He never did anything. I lifted my head and stared up. I screeched.