Facing Reality

Puppet on a string

Have you ever had a moment in your life when you just wanted to say "to hell with it" and do what you wanted to do?

You have no idea how many times I wished to do that. It's as if everyone is keeping an eye on you, waiting for you to make a mistake. Constantly monitoring what you say, ensuring that your caption adheres to social norms, and ensuring that you dress appropriately.

This seemingly never-ending vicious cycle.

To be honest, this has been my reality: having to watch my back to avoid stumbling or giving people something to talk about. (I have no idea how I managed to do that.)

That is most likely why I developed social anxiety. I'm always afraid to raise my hand to ask a question for fear of mispronouncing a word. It's even worse when it comes to captioning my posts; I usually just use emojis because it's the safest option. Not to mention that nagging voice in the back of your head that keeps reminding you that people are talking about you, watching you, waiting for you to fail, and laughing at you like you're a failure.

I despise how society has treated me unfairly, elevating me to a pedestal as if I asked them to.

I just want to live a normal life where I can post whatever I want without worrying about grammatically incorrect sentences following me around. The constant overthinking- I despise the way I want people to tell me I'm smart or that my writing is good...... Deep down, I know I'm good; believing is a different story.

Even if I wanted to, society has put me in a box from which I can't get out. Because, regardless of what you say, society confines you. They'll always find a way to get to you, those critical eyes following your every move.

Maybe one day I'll set myself free, but not today.

Don't get me wrong: I adore myself; I just don't enjoy being the centre of attention. I want to be able to take risks without fear of being judged.

Perhaps I should get drunk more frequently. I enjoy the confidence that sober me lacks, but drunk me is reckless. [inserts emoji of a laughing face]