Our Song

Chapter 6: Unwavering

Liam took courting seriously. I have rejected him so many times that I lost count already pero hindi siya nagpapatinag. There are times na I want to give in but I just can't. Nakikita ko naman na gusto niya talaga ako but I can't bring myself to give in to him. I still have doubts. Paano kung ngayon lang ang lahat ng ito? Paano kung passing fancy lang pala ako? Paano kung magsawa siya at matauhan na hindi naman pala niya ako gusto? Paano kung bumigay ako and I end up hurting in the end? I don't think makababangon pa ko if ever na masaktan niya ko. Hindi naman ako impokrita para ideny pa sa sarili ko na gusto ko na rin siya.

"What are you thinking? Nakakunot nanaman iyang noo mo."

I looked up to him. We are currently eating sa newly opened branch ng restaurant nila Peterson. As usual, I said no and ended up coming anyway. How can I totally resist this man?

"Iniisip ko kung kailan ka titigil sa pangungulit sakin. Isa kang malaking abala."

He just laughed at me. When will this man take me seriously. Feeling ko lahat ng gagawin ko matatawa siya.

"What's funny Liam? Do I look stupid para pagtawanan mo all the time?

His eyes went wide upon hearing what I said.

"What? Of course not! Ang cute mo lang kase. Mukha kang hamster na galit."

"Fuck you."

"Hey, that's bad! Kids should not say bad words. Sige ka, ikaw rin. Willing naman ako, ready ka ba? I have condoms sa car."

He said as he points somewhere na tila sinasabing nandoon ang car niya.

"You're disgusting! Why would you even have condom in your car? Nanliligaw ka sakin but you still sleep around?"

Nasaktan ako sa isiping nambababae siya. Though hindi pa naman kami pero he should stay loyal and faithful sakin since nililigawan niya ko. I suddenly have the urge to cry. Gusto kong magwala, gusto kong manakit. Hell I wanna shout at him.

"What do I even care, no? Hindi naman kita boyfriend. You can do what you want. I hope you never show your face in front of me."

I stood up and walked out of the restaurant. I may seem immature for walking out but I can't be in the same place with him right now. I feel betrayed. What am I thinking? Ganoon naman talaga ang mga lalaki. Iyong iba nga kasal na pero nagagawa pang lokohin ang kanilang mga asawa at magkaanak pa sa iba, siya pa kayang nanliligaw lang?

"Hey, Gorge! Bakit ka nagwalk out? I was just kidding. Halika na balik ka na doon, hindi ka pa tapos kumain."

Hindi ko namalayang nakahabol na pala siya sakin. He holds my hand kaya napahinto ako sa paglalakad though hindi ako humarap sa kaniya.

"I'm kidding, Gorgeous. Sorry na."

Pumunta siya sa harapan ko and he tries to lift up my chin para makita niya ang mukha ko pero tinabig ko lang ang kamay niya. I don't want him to touch me.

"Tumabi ka. Uuwi na 'ko."

"Why? Hindi ako nambabae, Gorge, I swear. Joke lang iyon. I don't have condoms in my car."

"Jokes are supposed to be funny. Do you think that's funny? That's disgusting, moron!"

"Okay, I'm sorry na. No more jokes like that, hmm? Sorry."

"You know what. Tumigil ka na sa panliligaw sa akin kase hindi naman kita sasagutin. You can go back to what you were doing before meeting me. If you want to jump from one bed to another, go. That's what you do best naman diba."

I ended up crying in front of him. Now I look stupid for crying. You can't blame me for feeling betrayed. Mas lalo lang akong natakot magkaboyfriend. Men are so good in cheating tapos magpapa-victim. Bandang huli kasalanan pa ng mga kababaihan kung bakit sila niloko ng mga lalaki.

He hugs me as I cry my heart out. Hindi bale na, last naman na ito. Sabi nga nila, enjoy it 'till it lasts.

"I don't sleep around, Babe. I swear nagjojoke lang ako. I'm sorry, I was insensitive. I was celebate simula noong nakilala kita. Wala na 'kong time pa na tumingin sa iba kase taken mo na lahat ng oras ko mula paggising hanggang pagtulog, laging ikaw, wala nang iba pa. Don't cry please. I'm sorry."

"So kasalanan ko pa na celebate ka simula noong nakilala mo ako? Tell me Liam, what's your intention? Do you just want to get in to my pants? Iyon lang ba? Titigil ka na ba kung ibibigay ko ang sarili ko sa'yo?"

I know my mind is clouded with anger at the moment. That's all I can think of, bakit nga naman niya ako liligawan agad samantalang hindi naman kami noon gaanong magkakilala?

"What? No!"

"Nachachallenge ka lang kase for the first time may tumanggi sa'yo, hindi ba? C'mon, let's just get it done and over with. May malapit bang hotel dito? We can just drive around just promise me that you will not show me your face again."

I continued to cry. Siguro nga sex lang ang habol niya sakin at challenged lang siya. Once he gets what he wants titigil na siya.

He holds my face with both of his hands at pilit na hinuhuli ang aking mga mata.

"Hey, hey Gorgeous, look at me. Look at me please."

I finally looked up to him while I continue to sob. I know we are making a scene right now.

"Hindi ako nachallenge lang sa'yo, okay? I am sure of what I feel. Niligawan kita kase gusto kita. My intentions are pure kaya please huwag mong pagdudahan iyong nararamdaman ko para sa'yo. Hindi lang sex ang gusto ko sa'yo, I'm not that kind of man. Kung gugustuhin ko, I can have it in a blink of an eye pero hindi. I want you to be my girlfriend, hell I even want you to be my wife. I'm sorry na, I swear wala nang jokes like that. That was insensitive of me, it won't happen again. I'm sorry."

He kissed my forehead and just like that my doubts are gone. His words are enough to comfort me.

"You will get tired of me."

"Everyone gets tired, Babe, but I swear that I will not let you go. I'll stay with you hanggang sa magsawa ka sa mukha ko."

"Sawa na 'ko sa mukha mo, can you now get lost?"

"Not happening, Love."

"Gago ka."

"Shhh, no cussing."

He laughs and hugs me again. I can't believe myself. I was hurting and the next moment, kinikilig ako. I never thought that I will experience a roller coaster ride without even riding one and I'm finding myself liking it. Damn.