The last guy

I love you. I don't want to. I always thought love was something you felt in a relationship... I guess not. I've known you since forever. :)
I don't have any regrets. Except, maybe, the fact that I still haven't told you how I feel.

I started to develop a crush on you when we first became friends. I guess I thought it would end, but I should've known. The longer it lasted the more my feelings grew. One moment I'd think my feelings were over then the next... well I guess you know.

We're in 9th grade right now... Every time I say good night or we end a conversation I want to say "I love you". I never do. About 2 or 3 weeks back I was seriously considering telling you. Obviously I didn't. I don't want to lose our friendship. You're my best friend.

We went through a dry spell for awhile. I hated it. Everyday I would think of you. Of what you could be doing. If you ever even thought about me. I wanted to text you, but I thought it would be better if you did. That way I would know if you really even valued our friendship. If you valued me. I finally snapped. I told you I missed texting you. It was easier than telling the truth. That I missed YOU.

I dream about you. Of what our future might be like. Us much older. We spend our time together and with friends. Hug and laugh. My perfect dreams are the ones with you in them.

When you talked about the Sadie Hawkins dance and how you felt no girl would ask you... I wanted to tell you I would gladly ask you. I didn't, again. My passcode is the day "you broke my heart". I was in my feelings. You had just confessed to me about your plans to ask out Anna. I felt so sad. I cried. I know I sound dramatic, but my heart sank. Like it does when you get bad knees or you're scared about what's going to happened next. I had to lie and pretend I was happy. I'm not saying I wasn't happy for you. I just wasn't happy for me... I miss you all the time. I feel awful when you talk about other girls. I guess that's jealousy. Haha wow I sound pathetic.

My mom knows I like you. Maybe even others from her side of the family. I told Paula too. We were both pretty wasted when I told her. We had been drinking and getting high. I had never told any of my friends. She and Isha are my closest friends, besides you, and it took getting wasted for me to even tell one of them.

3 years. It's been about 3 years since my feelings for you first began. Little did I know they'd just get stronger.