The Lost half of me

Ava's Story

This is not a story, rather it is a memory, a memory that I didn't choose, but that chose me. A memory that I didn't make, but that makes me. A memory of loss. A memory of terror, a memory of fear. A memory of sadness. A memory that I wish I never had. A memory that haunts me. A memory that nobody knows about.

It was the anniversary of me and my girlfriend, we had been dating for four years so far. I had prepared a special surprise, and I told her when I would pick her up. I was early, getting ready, and I debated going to pick her up early. Well, that little debate going on in my head lasted a few hours, until finally, it was too late to go early, so I left knowing that I would be there on time at least. I arrive at her house at 1:10, right on time. I feel a little confident as I stroll up the driveway, I'm not wearing anything special, a pair of nice jeans, and a nice t-shirt. As I walk up to the door my blood suddenly goes cold. I hear screaming, but not just any screaming. The scream that I hear is filled with fear, a little bit of sadness, and a whole lot of loss, and it is coming from someone who I have never heard a scream, someone who I have never seen or heard crying. A scream coming from Ava's mother. I blow through the front door, moving faster than it can open, and run in a full-on sprint through the house into the kitchen. In the kitchen I see Ava's mom screaming, tears streaming down her face. Seeing me she points to the open door that leads into the basement. Without stopping I run towards the door, jumping all 18 steps. Landing hard on the floor, my legs buckling underneath me. I roll forward and back up onto my feet. From the bottom of the stairs, the room opens up like an L, with the stairs being at the top and a door in the nook in the back. To the right of the door is the storage rooms, to the left is the workshop and garage, and directly across is a white tiled bathroom. Over in the storage areas are the water heater and furnace. As I gain my feet I burst forward running down and rounding the corner before freezing.

Fear is why I froze, fear of what I might find. Before I even pass through the door I know something is wrong. I can see that on the bathroom wall facing towards the storage area the tiles are speckled with red blood. In front of the door, I can see what looks like the edge of a pool of blood. And a few strands of hair. I finally force myself to move and rounding the corner I see my world fall and crash in front of me.

She lies in front of me on the floor, surrounded by blood. Oh, so much blood, more blood than seems possible from a living being. Her hair lies floating in a slight halo in the blood. A smile still on her face, a smile that I knew so well. A smile that I saw every day. I smile I had dreamed of kissing. At that moment I finally understood the saying "smiling into hell". Her eyes were still open, with a glazed expression, almost like looking into a dream. Suddenly I notice that her head is sitting a little above the ground, that's when I notice her forehead. A shard of metal sticking out of her forehead, going in one side and out the back. A nightmare. Is what some would call it, but to me, it was worse, no nightmare could ever describe this scene. I suddenly didn't know what to do. My world was crumbling, suddenly the walls were closing in, darkness was the only way forward. I was suddenly up and running. I ran as far and as fast as I could, but the darkness seemed to be just a step away, no matter how fast I ran, it was there. Then suddenly I collapsed, tears streaming down my face, my world full of chaos, suddenly I had no energy, and I let the darkness enfold me, letting it take me like a little child, allowing it to cradle me with my worst fears. I cried in the woods for hours, every second after her death like being stabbed by a knife, death would be kindness at this point. But kindness holds no place in this world, this world of pain that has enveloped me. Finally, as the sky begins to darken, I manage to escape from the darkness long enough to walk home, collapsing in bed, only for the nightmares to start up again, but this time they are worse.

Suddenly I'm running, I know that something is wrong, and I know that it involves Aava, but everything is dark. I know the way tho, so I run, faster and faster, I know that I have to find her before it's too late. My heart pounds in time with my footsteps, going faster and faster. Suddenly relief begins to flood over me as I sense that I am close. Suddenly I see her, and I go to call out her name. Relief flooding through me, when suddenly I hear a bang. I watch in horror as a shard of steal protrudes out the back of her head, and she falls, hitting the floor right as I reach her. Smile still plastered to her face, blood pooling around her. I begin to cry, my heart being ripped to pieces, then suddenly I feel a soft hand touch my face. I open my eyes and it's her, her hand cradling my face. Then suddenly where her hand touches me it begins to burn, like fire. I jerk back away and scuttle away from her, her hand still hangs in the air. Suddenly darkness envelopes her. I rush back over to find that her body is not there. But her voice begins to flow around me, coming from all sides, but it has a hard edge to it, almost like a knife, saying "you failed, you could have stopped it, if only you had come early to pick me up. You are the reason I am dead. It's all your fault. You should have been there, to save me. You were supposed to protect me. You promised me that you would always be there for me, and you weren't there when I needed you most." My heart rips again. I scream, hating myself for not being there. I had failed, I had promised her, and I had failed. Suddenly I'm falling. Then I hit the floor, but the floor is quickly being covered in something. Something thick and warm. Blood. The floor is being covered in blood. It fills up fast, then suddenly the floor is gone and I'm swimming in a sea of blood. But it's so thick that it's hard to swim, and my body feels so heavy. Finally, I give up, letting myself drown. Blood fills my lungs, as I sink down and down. My lungs fill with it, and the taste of it imprints itself on my tongue. Then suddenly it's all gone. I sit coughing up blood. Air feels like a blessing, but this is a nightmare, blessings are not what they seem, suddenly I see a shape in the darkness. It slowly seems to emerge out of nowhere. Then I see another one and another. Suddenly I realize that they are everywhere. Suddenly the first one I saw steps into the light. It's a nightmare. Covered in dried blood. A gap in her forehead that I can see through, the shard of metal in her hand. Her body withered. Her smile seeming delirious, her glazed expression looking like a pit into despair. Her mouth opens and I hear an earth-shattering scream. The others seem to respond, the rest of them opening their mouths and screaming, then suddenly all of their screams seem to form words. "You failed, you failed, now you must die as well. Suddenly the first one lunges close, trying to stab me with the shard of steel. I dodge right, just missing. I shove her down and run, but they are everywhere. I shove them out of my way, trying to dodge as many of their strikes as I can. There were too many of them. They would get in a lucky cut as I went by, cuts amassing on my arms and chest and legs. Every single Ava laughing as they cut me, their voices seeming like some sort of hellish song. Suddenly I trip and they are gone, but every cut along my body begins to burn and glow with fire until suddenly I burst into flames, but the flames burn and heal me at the same time, as my wounds heal in this fire the pain intensifies. Then I see it, well not it, but more her. She walks towards me, in a beautiful dress, not a single wound or drop of blood on her. She looks just like the day we met, her beautiful teal dress flowing around her. She walks in and I grab her in a hug. I feel her wrap her arms around me, she kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear. My heart stops and goes cold.

Usually, you wake up before you die in a nightmare, but life would not be kind to me this time. She whispers "now it is your turn." my heart stops and suddenly I feel an immense pain explode in my brain. I shove her away and feel my head. I feel the steel sticking out. My heart goes cold as I fall, then suddenly there is nothing and I'm dead.

Suddenly I wake up, covered in sweat, my breathing labored. As I move all of my joints protest, and my world spins as I move. I walk out and get myself a drink from the kitchen, as I make myself a glass of water I spill a little bit on the floor. As I go to clean it suddenly explodes in blood, and the blood begins to spread. I scream, fear overtaking me, then suddenly it's just a puddle of water, and it's like nothing happened. Except I remember the blood.

For weeks and months, it was like this, the same exact nightmare, and whenever I spilled a drink or something, I would only see blood. It haunted me, and it still does. But that isn't the only thing that is left. A hole has been left inside of me. An emptiness that can't be filled, but I don't want to fill it. I would rather have the hole than a patch. I don't need a replacement. Or a filler. I need something more. I need somebody else. I need another piece. I need somebody else who will hold me when the nightmares hit. I need somebody to help me get up in the morning, just by saying I love you. I need somebody who will help drive out the shadows and banish the darkness.