Before reading this, readers should know that it is utter codswallop designed to make you laugh... there are some awkwardly placed Buffy references there, and Harry Potter seems to be a constant theme in my more recent works. I wrote it in thirty minutes and therefore cannot claim it's my best work- it took up one Word page when written in twelve point font. Despite this, enjoy!!
Holly slammed the alarm clock down and threw it across the room, GODDAMMIT!
Today was her BIRTHDAY; a day of happiness and wonder and fun. School had no right to go and ruin the best day of the year once again. And it’s not like Holly could just not go to school on the first day; they’re be creepy new kids throwing themselves at Emmy like prostitutes. No, she would attend school today… but it would be better than ever before, that was for sure.
Arriving for a new day of school at Caroline Chisholm High is scary. Twelvies roam the streets like meat-deprived zombies as the new students give each other the sly once over to determine social circles – the rest of the student body mentally undress that one new student with perfectly sized muscles and great hair.
It happens every year, without fail. Nobody seems to care about the monumental birth of the most important person in the school- Holly Bryant. Sure, her friends might make a small effort to include her at first; they would bake a cake for themselves or write shifty fan fiction to be read aloud in class (HINT HINT AHEM). But –to Holly’s utmost shame- nobody really seemed to get the importance of her birthday the way she did.
That, my dear sir, was going to change today.
Now as I was saying before the several dramatic point of view changes that normally wouldn’t appear in my writing but whatever because YOLO and all that stuff, arriving at Caroline Chisholm School is a scary thing. Holly, however, spied her friends huddled around a bonfire and pirouetted over to them, ignoring the well-known fact that teenagers are incapable of enjoying school. Emmy moaned in envy about her glorious, radiant complexion while Olivia attempted to rub her feet on a llama poster. Tasnim seemed to have been petrified (TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE, ANYONE?!) and Kira softly stroked Ruby’s nose. It was a strange moment for all involved.
Courtney was the first to speak up. She had developed a strange accent and pompous grammar over the holidays, but nobody seemed to care.
“Holly, my darling, what on Earth has become of you? I feel all aflutter inside- it’s almost hypnotic. Every time I look at your hair I get this urge to run around in circles screaming ‘I'M A WHORE FOR HORAN!’ Could you deign to explain to us simpletons… and when you’re finished would you give us a hair tutorial?” She fell over in utter adoration of her sexy beast of a friend.
“It’s simple really. I got Styled!” She waited patiently for their responses, but upon seeing their daft expressions rephrased herself slightly. “I went to England and stalked down Harry Styles. After a few weeks of following him around, he agreed to my proposal for us to become lesbians together. Don’t you READ? It was all over OK! Magazine.”
Brooke chose this moment to walk in, and bowed down to her master.
“My Lord, the room is prepared. We have the Great and Powerful one ready to be reacquainted with you once more- you may suckle from his manboobs, oh Sexah Monstah.” She backed away slowly, aware of Holly’s ability to petrify people with her basilisk eyes.
END OF FIRST CHAPTER
*and that, my friends, is what thirty minutes with my computer can do the day before my friends birthday- HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOLLY!!*
**I'm actually quite a good writer... but none of my actual stories have ever been put on Wattpad, so feel free to judge me- I don't mind :D**
By Olivia Allum
