Chapter 2
Day 4
We returned to PE this morning after spending 3 wonderful days in Jhb. He went back to Samke (his wife) and I went to my place, I am sure my landlord was shocked to see me. I am never there, it didn't make sense for me to be at my place because l worked 5 days a week at Zuko's place then weekends I'm at my place.
" I will send you some money"
He said because we both agreed me working there didn't make sense.
Me" I am okay, I will wait for you call"
Zuko" Will you be safe here?"
I giggled
Me" Yea"
Zuko" I'll see you soon, need to sort out the things we spoke about "
Me" Okay"
I settled in and then called Sabelo, I needed to be honest with him. I don't see why I should derail the inevitable.
Sabelo" Are you back?"
Me" Yea, can you please come over?"
Sabelo" I can after work though or we can meet somewhere for supper"
Me" No, cela uze apha wena"
Sabelo" Okay, I'll see you at 6"
Me" Thank you"
I ended the call and saw a text from Zuko;
" I sent you money. I'll see you tomorrow"
I replied;
" You didn't have to give me money, but thank you. I'll see you tomorrow"
Sabelo's arrival was when reality sinked in because him and I have been dating for almost 3 years. We have had our fair share of drama just like any other couple but we always managed to work things out. He was busy with his articles and I was always excited for him because being a lawyer was all he ever wanted in life. He is kind and he doesn't deserve this.
Sabelo" I parked outside because I can't spend the night"
Me" That's fine, I am so sorry"
Sabelo" What for?"
Me" I have been working on the perfect speech today, a way to tell you this without coming across as the bad guy or just not having you hate me because I am scared of that. Having you hate me, because I never wanted to hurt you yet that's what I did. I want to try and justify it but I can't. The shit part is that I don't regret it Sabelo"
" I cheated on you and lied about why I wasn't around for the weekend"
Sabelo" Wow!"
"Wow! Hahahaha wow! Okay"
Me" I love you, at least I thought I did. I am so sorry"
Sabelo" You know what hurts the most about your little confession? Is that you think it makes you a good person. That you are somehow less guilty because you were "brave" enough to tell me to my face. But it still makes you a cunt! That doesn't change, I give you everything! You get everything you want from me and you are still not happy! You are never pleased Azange! Right now, this? Will eat you up and you'll actually want me to make you feel like you didn't hurt me. But I want you to know I hate you! I am hurt! I don't want you to ever call me again. You can fuck off"
Me" Sabelo! At least let me explain?"
Sabelo" Explain what? That I am the idiot who has been saving money to pay lobola for you, or the fool who has worked so hard to make sure that you are taken care of, I don't know what you can explain to me that will make me hate you any less"
Me" I didn't want those things!!!!! You saw me as some poor child you that you can rescue!!! You barely asked me what I wanted!!! You made the plans! They were your plans! I was just there to look pretty next to you!!..... *sobs* I wanted more.... I just wanted more and I am sorry th....."
Sabelo" Fuck you!!! And your sorry!!!.... If you were so miserable then why didn't you say so??? Did you get an epiphany while riding his dick that you actually felt like you were in some prison with me???!!!!"
"You cheated on me! Fuck everything else! You not happy? Then you speak up, instead of behaving like a slut"
Me" That's low"
Sabelo" Is that what you said while sucking him off??"
" You are a whore. Fuck you! And your whoring ways"
*
I have cried so many times in life because well life is shitty but never like this. I think I cried more today than I did at my father's funeral, the things he said were just mean. I called Zuko and I couldn't even get a word in because I was crying and couldn't stop myself.
"I am on my way"
He ended the call, I still cried because maybe Sabelo is right. Maybe I am an evil person because what Zuko and I are doing to Samke is wrong.
"Azy!!"
I got up from the floor and went to open the door, he gave me a hug and I sobbed on his chest.
"Masambe"
I pulled away and wiped my tears;
"Where is she?"
I asked him and he said; "At home"
One tear escaped my eye, and I just looked at him.
Me" I can't take the guilt"
Zuko" Why? Guilty because of Samke?"
I nodded
" Samke and I haven't shared a bed for months, our divorce is happening and it would have happened even if you never came to Joburg with me. I am looking for a place for us, we have an appointment to view a townhouse Wednesday. I meant everything I said Azy"
Me" I am so tired Zuko"
" We are starting our relationship and so many bridges have been burned. I feel like a home wrecker, I hate this feeling and the guilt is the worst"
Zuko" I understand, I hear you and your feelings are valid. What would you like us to do? What will make you comfortable?"
This is why I felt safe with him, he didn't invalidate my feelings. Zuko respected my opinion and that's why I felt like even if this was bad. He'd always protect me.
Me" Sort out home first, be sure about us and I'll go home to Qonce for a week. I'll return to PE on Friday, if you don't call me on that Friday then I'll know you made your decision and I'll respect it"
Zuko" Okay, I can still take you to a hotel and you sleep there then come back here in the morning to pack"
I smiled at him
Me" I'll stay"
Zuko" I am spending the night with you, I can't leave while you are like this"
Me" I'll be fine"
Zuko" Are you sure?"
I nodded
" Goodnight babe, call me whenever"
Me" I won't, but thank you"
We hugged
Zuko" You are worth it, always remember that"
