Diary of an International Pop Star

Chapter 40- Old wounds

"Adam. Adam!" I was whisper yelling at him, but seeing how Ella and Lyla are screaming their heads off, I don't know why I'm whispering.

My parents can't hear us, since the room we made into the nursery is on the third floor of the house and on the opposite side from where they are sleeping. I've decided to move some of my stuff up here, so I don't disturb them.

"Adam, please I need your help." Why won't he get up? I need his help!

It's week 3 of bringing the girls home, and I get maybe 3 hours of sleep a night. I hate this.

"Adam! I can't hold both of these kids! Please for God's sake help me!"

"Alexa! Stop yelling!"

"I'll stop yelling when you get your ass over here and help me!" How do these babies not tire themselves out after all this crying?

"Fine!" He finally got up and grabbed Ella from me.

"Rocking her like that isn't going to help the problem." He was moving too fast back and forth. He just wants to go back to bed, but we have to get the girls fed and back to sleep first.

"Alexa, let me do what I want. She's my kid just as much as she is yours." He was spitting his words at me like venom.

"Adam, I'm just trying to help." I tried talking in a calmer voice, so I wouldn't stress out the girls more.

"Well you're not helping! Stop telling me what to do Lexi! Alexa, whatever the hell your name is." I was on the verge of tears at this point. Why is he being so mean?

"Please stop yelling. You're scaring them." I can hear my voice start to waiver. This isn't going to end well.

"I'm only yelling because you're being so difficult! Adam do this, Adam do that, I'm sick of it!" I hope to God he doesn't leave. We have two kids, he wouldn't just leave, would he? "Are you going to give these kids two names as well? Make them trick a boy into having his kids?" I stopped rocking Lyla and I just stared at him. I felt my stomach drop. He stopped too and he knew he went too far with that one.

I put Lyla back in her crib and walked out.

"Alexa I'm sorry!" I heard Adam come after me, but I was out the door by the time he got down the stairs.

I hopped in my car and drove away as fast as I could. The tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't stop them.

I knew he would leave eventually, but I didn't know it would be this soon. It's been 3 weeks!

Although, I'm the one who walked out...

Alexa why are you thinking like this! You walked out because he was being a douche bag! He said the one thing that you told him in confidence and held it against you! What kind of ass hole is he?

I kept driving and I didn't even know where I was going. I was taking turns and not even realizing that I ended up at the cliff where me and Adam had our first real date. It was about half an hour away from the house.

We talked about me being his girlfriend, and we had a picnic up here and watched the sun set over the forest. The cliff looks out onto the ocean and during the day you can see for miles.

I got out of my car and went and sat on the ground. How could he say such hurtful things to me? I never thought he would do that. He's my best friend.

He's been distant for a few days now. Ignoring me, not helping with the girls. Is he cheating on me?

No he would never.

Well, I never thought he would act this way. I wouldn't put it past him. I'm not what he wanted. I'm actually a different person from who he wanted.

Why did I think this would be like a fairytale? We fall in love, have kids, and it's a happy ending? Nope.

What's the point of living if the only person I love doesn't love me?

Oh God, Alexa don't think like that! I don't want to go through this again.

I stepped closer to the edge of the cliff.

What did I do wrong? Why is he acting like this? Why won't he talk to me?

"Alexa don't jump!" I spun on my heel to see Adam running up to me, but my foot slipped and I fell backwards.

I screamed at the top of my lungs as my life flashed before my eyes.

Singing for thousands of people, meeting Adam, falling in love, having our two beautiful children. I don't ever want to loose them.

I was waiting for the ground to hit me, but it never did.

I slowly opened my eyes to see that Adam had caught my hand. His face was one I've never seen, covered in horror, nerves, and love all at the same time.

He pulled me up to him and I tackled him to the ground for a crushing hug.

I didn't even realize I was crying until Adam spoke up, "Alexa, please don't cry. You're ok. I got you," He rubbed his hand up and down my back. All I could do was cry.

"Why did you say that to me?" I picked my head up to look at him. He had a look of deep guilt.

"I don't know. I was angry and tired and it just came out." We sat up and Adam put his knees up so I could lean back on them.

"Adam you know that's the one thing I told you in confidence, and you know why I did it."

"I didn't think you would walk out like that."

"Adam I almost took my own life because I was so unhappy being who I was. I created the other me for a reason. And to say that I forced you to have my kids? That was disgusting. I've never been more horrified. You know full well those kids were an accident. A blessing, but a drunken mistake."

"I'm so sorry I said that. I wasn't thinking."

"You were my savior. And when you said those things, it felt like a knife just twisted in my heart." the tears were streaming down my face at this point. Adam pulled me close to him.

"I hate that I made you feel like this. I hate that I caused these tears."

"Just talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. Don't let it build up. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Promise?" I put my forehead against his.

"I promise. I love you Alexa."

"And I love you Adam."

"Let's go home." We got up and he scooped me up and carried me to the car.

By the time we got back up to our room, the babies had cried themselves to sleep. Thank God.

I hopped right under the covers and Adam came in right behind me. He wrapped his arms around me.

"I love you." He whispered as I drifted off to sleep.

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A/n: so I haven't updated in a while, sorry!! Life is complicated and I just started a new job and it's taking up all my time. So I hope you like the chapter! I'm not sure if I want to make one or two more chapters. But I will be making a second book about the twins. I love this story too much to just let it end. Thanks for reading!