Unsaid thoughts of a broken college girl

Unsent message 1

Hey...
I know we haven't had an actual conversation since November, but hey. I don't know why I want to text you but here I am. I know that I should hate you for what you did to me, I should block your number and not even acknowledge your existence however that is hard for me. The wanting I have to see your name on my phone is ridiculous.

You know after you chose her, I felt like I wasn't good enough. I wanted answers, I wanted to know how you could let me share my feelings with you and for you to hold me to just pick her the next day. I want to know why you did what you did. I just know you won't have an explanation and if you do it's gonna be a excuse. " Like I wasn't giving myself to you." Or " that you had to work through your issues" You want to know the worst thing is. I almost did give myself to you. I thought I could help you. I thought that I was gonna be the one who you would settle down for.

Seeing you with her killed me and knowing you never actually cared hurt even more. When Jackson did the same thing as you I had tears. I never cry, and you know what I wasn't even mad at Jackson because I was still thinking of you. Maybe I was using Jackson as a rebound... maybe I wanted more with him. However no matter what I do you are all I think about. I have to restrain myself from texting you or calling you because I know you don't give a fuck about me anymore.

To be in your arms one more time, to be the one you protect, or to even be the one you kiss I would die just to relive it once then after I would erase you and every memory of you in order to save myself from the heart ache, the constant overthinking, and the late nights.