Chapter 34

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Julls POV

It's Sunday today but I wake up to find myself alone in the house. I am thankful for this though, my feelings are all over the place so I don't want to be around Antonio until I sort myself out. What the hell is wrong with me?, what the hell?, like was I seriously going to kiss HIM?

I seriously can not fall in love with Antonio how foolish would I be?, this person abused me. Albeit he promised to be better and I see the change in him but he is still that monster. 'When a person shows you their true colors believe them the first time' I live by this phrase.

I find myself attracted to Antonio. I have this new need for him to hold me, I think I kind of enjoyed his hug a little too much yesterday so moving forward I need to refrain from hugging him.

He brings me this weird comfort that makes me feel warm and fuzzy, he kind of feels familiar to me but in a new way and this is a problem for me because I now desire to put my arms around him and kiss him until I run out of air. How embarrassing.

Yes we are married but I'm not foolish enough to think that I can change Antonio. This man will embarrass me for the whole world to see. He is a womeniser and nothing could ever change that certainly not being married to me. He may not bring them to our home anymore but I don't doubt that he will take them somewhere else without shame.

I remind myself of his 'rules of engagement' for the 100th time since yesterday, he said we are a happy couple in public but in private he has his life and I have mine. I need to be professional. Antonio already sees me as this young foolish girl, falling in love with him would add injury to the wound and I can't do it.

Last night my self control was running out I ran and left him alone after our almost kiss to my room balcony where I spent half the night trying to control myself. I think he also wanted to kiss me but I don't trust myself right now.

In our chat with ma last night I found out that he has trouble sleeping in bright colored rooms since birth he couldn't sleep with the light on and it has only gotten worse as he grew up, and that's why his favorite color is black.

Antonio's room in my house is white with colorful a bedding and paintings . I think it's why he leaves in the early mornings everyday like today it's Sunday, I know for a fact he's not working and I feel bad for him. So I have decided to re-do the other spare bedroom and make it darker so he can move there. I call Claire to find me someone.

I make myself pancakes for breakfast and enjoy myself just how I like it 'alone'. But just before I finish my meal there's a knock on the door and I think to myself Claire moves fast and I go to open the door but find Deon.

"hey sis in law" he says already welcoming himself into my house

"hello Deon" I say still by the door

"how are you" he says getting comfortable by the couch and I close the door understanding that he is not leaving anytime soon.

"I'm well thanks" I try keeping conversations short with him. What could he possibly be doing here?

"where is Antonio?" he asks looking at me

"I don't know, he's just not here" I say hoping he leaves and I can go back to enjoying the last of my meal

"ooh pancakes, sweet. I haven't had these in a while" he says moving to the kitchen island where I'm eating, totally disregarding my discomfort.

"do you have more?" he asks helping himself with my food. "hhmm... These are really gooood where'd you buy them?" he continues before I respond

"Deon I haven't given you my food" I tell him

"oohh sorrry." he says letting go of my food. But it was too late I already had lost my appetite.

"it's fine you can have it" I say moving to sit on the couch and he is happy to continue eating.

"so do you have more?" he asks

"I only made for 1 person" I say

"ooh you made these? Girl you good" he compliments, kind of.

"thanks" I say and open the TV to keep me busy while he's here

"how is my brother treating you" he talks with food in his mouth

"he's alright" I say

"you don't have to cover for him be honest" he continues

"hmm" I mize him

"okay fine don't tell me" he says leaving the empty plate and glass at the kitchen island like there's someone who's suppose to clean after him. Typical.

"tell me about you then" he says. I think he's trying to have small talk

"what do you wanna know?" I ask

"like how are you, if you had the chance what could you do better in your life and what are you happy with?" he responds

"I am well, I could shop better and I'm happy with my whole life" I say, who does he think he is?

"hahaha.. Okay" he sits too close to me, "okay tell me about what heppend when you disappeared" he continues.

The nerve this guy has. I mean who asks such personal questions to a person they barely know?. I was just about to give him a piece of my mind when there was a knock on the door and I excused myself.

I open the door for the people to help renovate Antonio's room. I am surprised they are here even though it's Sunday. It's a lady and a guy. It's a good time to say goodbye to Deon. I direct the designers to the room upstairs and come to Deon.

"Deon I am very busy just now can you come back when your brother is here" I kick him out very nicely with words

"ooh what are you doing?" he asks as if not understanding my intention this guy is trouble.

"I am renovating" I say

"how nice, I can help" he doesn't give up

"Deon please, I have all the help I need" I say impatiently

"ooh okay I will see you tomorrow then" thank God he finally gets it. I can't have this boy coming here everyday, I know for a fact Antonio will be at work so why would he be here?

"okay" I say wanting to cut our communication and he comes to hug me. At this point I have mental block like who said he could hug me?, why is he hugging his brother's wife?. Thankfully he let's go of me quickly and leaves. Heww.

I go upstairs and direct the designers on what I want and they are set to begin tomorrow.

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