The Greatest Cheese in the Whole World

The Pilgrimage

There were once two cheese connoisseurs who set out on a pilgrimage to Switzerland, in search of Vacherin Mont d'Ciel, supposedly the best cheese in the world.

According to legend, Vacherin Mont d'Ciel was the first cheese invented by man. It was created by a tribe of prehistoric humans circa 15,000 B.C., as a way to preserve mountain buffalo milk for the winter.

The two cheese connoisseurs, Danielle and Andrew, had read that Vacherin Mont d'Ciel was so special that it could only be consumed during its brief ripeness season, a season lasting for exactly four minutes and 28 seconds each year.

Not only was its season brief, but it was also a notoriously difficult cheese to obtain. Vacherin Mont d'Ciel could only be tasted at the source, at the top of an undocumented mountain in the Swiss Alps. This mountaintop was unreachable even by car or plane, due to its sub-freezing temperatures.

Why did this cheese require such altitudes and freezing temperatures? Well, Vacherin Mont d'Ciel was a cheese produced with the milk of a supposedly extinct breed of European bison. Adapted to sub-freezing temperatures, they lived only on the highest, most unreachable mountaintops in the Swiss Alps where supposedly nothing could survive.

Fortunately, Danielle and Andrew were experts at teleportation, having studied it extensively at NASA and MIT, respectively. They were also experts at sub-freezing temperatures, having eaten an unusually large amount of ice cream over the years.

Danielle and Andrew had secretly built a specialized teleportation device for transferring matter from one cheese's magnetic field to another's. It worked only when the two cheeses had nearly identical molecular structure, and when both cheeses were from Switzerland.

They had tested the teleporter using one particular seasonal Swiss cheese. This cheese, Vacherin Mont d'Or, had a 99.8% identical molecular and biological composition to Vacherin Mont d'Ciel, according to their analysis and projections.