The Greatest Cheese in the Whole World

Teleportation Day

The morning that Vacherin Mont d'Ciel was to come into season, Danielle and Andrew put on their Antarctic full-body suits and climbed into the teleporter.

Danielle carefully lowered a wheel of Vacherin Mont d'Or into the core of the teleporter. Andrew adjusted the cheese detection dials to their highest sensitivity, knowing how remote the undocumented mountain would be.

Then, Danielle and Andrew kissed each other, held their hands over the Vacherin, and kicked the big red button at the side of the teleporter core together.

Zap.

In the blink of an eye, they had landed at the top of the undocumented mountain in the Swiss Alps.

"Brrr," Andrew said.

"I hope we're in the right spot," Danielle said, looking around at the emptiness around them.

Danielle and Andrew were so high up that nothing was in sight. There was a white cloud-like mist around them, but they knew that clouds could not hold together at their altitude. What was it? They didn't know.

They held each other, shivering. "Why did we do this? I think I don't like cheese anymore," Andrew said.

"Please don't say that," a strange deep voice said, but it wasn't Danielle's voice.

A large man appeared in the mist. He was God. Before they could question what was going on, they saw that He was holding a small cheese platter.

"It's Vacherin Mont d'Ciel!" Andrew exclaimed.

God held the cheese platter in front of them with both hands. Danielle and Andrew dropped down to their knees. "We don't deserve this," Danielle said in tears.

"This is the holiest cheese that you will ever taste," God said. "It has 3,000,000,000,000,000 holes per square centimeter, each sized exactly 602 micrometers in diameter, as per Swiss AOC cheese regulations, and it was made by Me."

Danielle and Andrew opened their mouths in awe. Two cubes of Vacherin Mont d'Ciel levitated off the platter and floated into their mouths.

"Whoops, that happens sometimes," God said. "That's the problem with making a cheese that's lighter than air, with all those holes. It just won't stay on the platter."

Respectfully, Danielle and Andrew slowly closed their mouths.

Molecules of Vacherin Mont d'Ciel swirled blissfully inside their mouths, under their tongues and between the gaps in their teeth.

The texture was creamy and incredibly airy. It was airier than the lightest cloud, yet as buttery as pure mountaintop buffalo milk from heaven. It had a natural sweetness as it oozed on their tongues, a freshness reminiscent of the dewy forest in the morning.

"I'll have some too," God said, as a piece of Vacherin Mont d'Ciel floated off the platter, morphing into a perfect sphere before levitating into His mouth.

The taste of the cheese lingered in Danielle and Andrew's mouths, echoing in their cheeks.

Then the teleporter began to beep. Danielle and Andrew knew that their time was up. If they didn't leave now, every molecule of their bodies would transform into cheese.