Tired. Aren't we all? but unlike most people i'm the kind of tired that sleep can't fix. Some nights i don't even want to sleep because i wish the morning would never come.
Yes each day is brand new, but yet it's the same routine. I'm so mentally exhausted. I just want peace. And I don't even the death kind. The peace I'm thinking of is to be okay. To not have to try and live up to the standards, but none will ever be higher than my own. The weight of my own expectations about myself crushes me.
The peace I want is to not cry myself to sleep, or sob most of the day. To just have one good day. All I really want it one. But seems like I can never have it.
I wish I didn't have to take meds to be okay. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. And there is: my brain won't fucking let me be.
I've spent so much of my life with tears in my eyes, and i can never get that time back. The peace I want is to have a family that doesn't fucking hate each other. I went through so much shit I shouldn't have had to. And sometimes I hate the person I became because of it.
I'm so numb. It feels like I'm immune to pain, but pain is all I feel. All I feel is suffering, and I just want to be at peace. I can't even have moments where I feel nothing because when I do, here comes the tears. I've cried so many tears and I'm so damn exhausted. I just want everything to be okay.
YOU ARE READING
What It's Like In My Mind
Kısa HikayeA collection of poems/stories I wrote of what it's like in my mind. It may not be for everyone, it includes mentions of suicide, swearing, and mentions of my trauma.
