Take me to Church (Oneshot)

Take me to Church

POV you're Jesus

I know who I am, I'm a leader. I'm seen as the child of God. I am praised, I am worshiped. Yet, I don't want to be. I am weak. I'm more sinful than anyone who praises me. I'm more sinful than the ones who don't. And for what it's worth, I don't care. If my "Father" strikes me dead on the spot for being on my knees for someone other than him, then it's what I deserve. I'd take that punishment any day. But until that day comes, I will swim in the pool of sin that I've found myself in, until it drowns me.   

"Simon." I walked towards one of my trusted associates. My disciples and I had stopped in another inn. We never stayed in one place, for our jobs required the opposite. The moments where we stop and pause and settle down are the ones, I value the most. "Yes, Messiah? How are you today?" I sighed, tired from the last preaching session I came from. Placing my hand on Simon's shoulder and relishing in the way his shoulder relaxed underneath it. I walked past him and hopped onto the table he was working at, never letting go of his shoulder, never letting my gaze fall from him. He looked up at me and I couldn't help a shiver go up to my spine. It felt weird having someone look up at me. I wanted to change that.

I groaned dramatically, throwing my head back, taking my hand off his shoulder. Saying that he was surprised was an understatement. I almost wanted to laugh at how taken back he was. "Today was horrible. I don't want to stand in front of a crowd ever again. You get what I mean, right Simon?" My eyes turned to him and his gaze almost faltered. "But Messiah-" I straightened up and stopped him. "You know my name, don't give me that." This time his gaze did move. He faced the ground. "But it's disrespectful to call you anything else." I hopped off the table and crouched next to him. And then even with the nagging voice in my head telling me not to, I took my finger and placed it under his chin. I made him look at me.

I didn't miss the way his eyes fell to my lips right after he looked at me. I would talk about it soon enough, but I needed to address this. "Simon, you are not just a disciple to me. You are so much more than that not only to me but to others too. You know how important you are to us. Don't ever treat yourself like you're lesser than me, lesser than any of us. Okay?" He nodded, but his eyes still showed that he doubted my words "Say it." I don't like to make commands. I usually like it the other way around, but he needed to know. I wasn't putting this topic down. "I'm not lesser than you." He wouldn't look at me. I needed him too. "Simon." It came out as a whine. "Please say it." His eyes immediately met mine and his eyes no longer looked shy. He looked stern, he looked confident, and I loved it. "I'm not any lesser than you, or anybody else, Jesus. I'm sorry that I thought so." I so desperately wanted to close the gap between us, I almost did, but instead, I gave him a warm smile and stood up. "Thanks, Simon." I started walking away but a hand around my wrist stopped me from leaving.

"Jesus..." His voice changed again, it became deeper, and it shook me to my core. "Yes?" My voice cracked; it's never done that before, even in my youth I've had a stable voice... But now in my weakest moments, I'm more human than I've ever been. I very carefully walked back to look him in the eye again, and he boreholes into the back of my head with his gaze. "Jesus." He repeated the word and rang in my head over and over and before I could respond he pulled on my wrist, and I was on his lap. And when I looked up and met his gaze, he did the same thing that I did before, taking his finger and putting it on my chin. I felt my pulse rise in my body from both panic and excitement. Was he really going to do this with me? My question was answered when his lips met mine. 

My mind couldn't catch up with my body and I started moving before I could start thinking my hands went to his shoulders my lips pushed back onto his. I couldn't think, I couldn't let go, when I was on his lap and his hand on my thigh, I didn't want to let go. But the nagging thought in the back of my head caused me to pull back. Out of breath I looked over his face and it showed immense guilt, he almost tried to push me off, but I wasn't budging. Instead, I kissed him again. This wasn't my first time doing this, I wasn't hesitant before because I thought he knew. I thought he knew how some men could make me fall to my knees without a second thought. But he felt guilty, I was going to show him that he didn't need to feel that way.