The Story Of A Big Girl

Chapter 1

Please take into consideration that this is my first "story". I'd appreciate helpful comments.

Dedicated to everyone with insecurities. No matter who you are.

Chapter One:

I was always that girl. You know, the girl who never just quite fit in. The girl who put a smile on everyday. The girl that was always there. The girl that nobody thought anything was wrong with. I, Amelia Starr, fit right into that category, although that's about the only thing I fit in. Sometimes I wonder why I am like this. Why I cant seem to find the strength to change. People are so cruel. I've experienced this first hand. Something happened in my life though that set me into a deep depression that I never seem to quite find my way out of. Or do I?

We shall start at the beginning of my story. The real beginning.

I was born a beautiful, 7 and a half pound, baby girl. I was healthy and ready to grow up in this wonderful world. My mother and father's first child. My family says that I had gorgeous brown hair from the very beginning. That's the first thing everyone noticed about me, as an infant at least. My mom told me of how the first time she had ever held me, I gripped her middle finger with my hand and smiled, but only for a second. How precious I must have been. I was loved.

As a little girl, I was never into dolls and pink sparkly things. I wasn't completely manly either. Just a regular girl I guess. I almost never got into trouble, besides the few times I smeared pancakes and syrup into, my brother, Josh's face. As a child, I was completely obsessed with nature. I remember sitting beside my window every night when I was ten just watching the calm Georgia breeze make the leaves dance outside. My mother would bring me a glass of warm milk every night. I'd sit in my plastic orange chair watching the world pass by. My favorite though was when it rained. The sound of the rain hitting my window made me feel so calm.

One night, I was sitting in my chair with my glass of milk when I heard yelling downstairs. My house was generally quiet with the occasional meow from my cat Lilly, but being the curious little girl I was, I crept slowly to my door to listen to the chaos, that at the time, I hadn't realized was unfolding. One thing about that night I will never forget is my mothers cry. Once a child has witnessed their mother cry, they cannot forget it. I can prove that even to this day. I stood in my doorway for a few seconds, although it felt like eternity, hearing my mother weep. After I gathered up enough courage to slide into the dark hallway and start to cautiously walk down those steps, I wished I never would have decided to go down, I felt such a strange feeling. It wasn't a feeling of sickness, worry, or hate. Just a feeling that something bad was happening.

After a few minutes, I finally made my way downstairs. What I saw I couldn't comprehend. My mother was lying in the middle of the living room floor naked. My father no where to be found. I stepped so softly on the carpet inching towards my mother, as if I were trying not to wake the dust bunnies from their hibernation. The closer to my mother I got, the more clearly I could see round black shapes all over her body. A puddle of blood spreading fiercely around her head. The overwhelming crying had stopped. In the window I saw my reflection. An image in which I will never forget. Tears began to stream down my face without control. My mind had set sail without taking me with it and so without thinking, I kneeled down a let my fingertips brush against my mothers back. Her soft skin that laid me to bed so many nights was lying there in a lump. I ran my fingers through my mothers hair trying to comfort her. The night creeping in through every crevasse and crack it could find.

I placed my hand upon my mothers stomach and in a sudden and painful realization, it came to me. All I could do was cry. I cried so much that my whole face went numb. My body went numb. My mind went numb. I laid down next to my mother with the curious little girl mind of mine trying to understand. I fell asleep that night hugging my mothers cold body. That little orange chair and glass of milk still waiting for me in my room. The night still lingering around my head, waiting to crawl deep into my ears.

When I awoke from my useless sleep, I was on a couch. An ancient couch that smelled of dust and fabric. I sat up stiffly looking around for someone. Anyone. After a moment of complete confusion, I realized I was on my aunts couch. My aunt Linda lived only a few blocks down the street from us, but we rarely visited. Even before I could make a peep, a shadow crept into the room. I sat still, confused like never before. My aunt sat down next to me and pulled me into her arms repeatedly telling me that it is okay. I didn't believe her. She started crying as she stood up and went back into some dark room. I shot up and darted out of what looked like the front door. Barreling onto the street, I knew where I was headed.

I ran so fast that lightning couldn't have stopped me. My bare feet slapping the wet pavement below me. My arms swinging swiftly by my side. I didn't care how far I had to run. I just knew that I had to get home. I remember seeing flashing lights, outside of my house, parked on the street. I jumped past their makeshift barrier and burst through the front door. My mother was gone. There laid that puddle of blood and the very floor it rest on. I looked up and saw that reflection once again. In that moment, I knew. I would never get my mother back. Probably not even my brother or father either. I was scared and confused. My knees gave out from under me and I fell to the floor in one large thump. I laid there sobbing so gently. My mother was gone. There was still that one question that even as a ten year old kept coming into my mind. What had happened? I continued to be a lump on the floor barely moving until I heard foot steps slowly making their way downstairs. A heard a voice so faintly say, "I did it."

End Chapter One:

To Be Continued...