Will he

chapter 11 - kaleidoscope of emotions

note: this chapter contains both pov's so don't get confused midway, I will mark when each start, enjoy :)

Pov: Carter 

sei un idiota, sei un idiota, sei un idiota [you're an idiot, you're an idiot, you're an idiot].

I chanted the phrase over and over as I banged my head against my pillow. 

sei un idiota, bang. sei un idiota, sei un idiota, bang, bang. 

I hear a knock on the door, my heart races as I think about the possibility of it being Eliza. "It's me, bro," Elliot's voice calls out. 

I attend the door and open it just a bit, I see Elliot standing there with a god damn broom in his hand. Only Jesus can help me now, take the fucking wheel, please. 

I start backing away from the door as he walks in, "Dude, I am so sorry I never meant to hurt her I promise please don-" I start rambling but he just looks at me with a confused expression and drops the broom. 

"Calm down, I was just dusting the cobwebs downstairs, I'm not going to kill you... yet." His voice is in denial as he takes a seat on my chair. 

"Okay... then what's up?" I say and sit across him, he leans down and places both his elbows on his thighs. 

"Just tell me one thing, it's about Eliza. What are you guys? I know sure as hell that she's confused but more than her I am." He breaths out making my breath hitch.

"It's so messed up man like I don't want it to be. I know it could be straightforward but it's not; All I'm trying to do right now is not hurt her but I end up saying the wrong thing half the time and fucking up either way. I feel like just staying away is the best thing I could do." It was the truth, although I might just be contradicting my actions pretty soon. 

"I get what you mean, but unless you truthfully communicate whatever you're feeling to her, she's never going to know. She deserves that closure because it's going to be both of you, for better or for worse." Elliot says with a more understanding tone, he knew he was right.

"Yeah, I know. Being away from her hurts, It's like I want her next to me all the fucking time. I will talk to her soon, I just need to say the right thing." That is what I said, but I had a bad feeling about it, I knew Eliza and I being together had its repercussions. 

"I know it might seem like a lot, I understand the fear you have. It's probably why I hate commitment, I don't know what I'm going to go through and I want to save the other person from the heartache. I don't know if you guys are meant to be together right now, or soon, but I know for sure that you guys are meant to be together." A smile comes on my face from Elliot's words, she does have the best brother ever. 

I nod and exhale from all the information I was taking in, why does love have to be so hard? 

"I have to talk to Eliza about something now but look, she trusts you and believe me when I tell you that she loves you. I've seen the way she looks at you, just be there for her. Please. She trusts that you are going to have her back if anything happens, so tell me you will." Elliot gets up and says, with his hand gripping the doorknob.

"and I love her, I promise you, I'll take care of her. I'm there for her, always. I'll let her know that soon too." I smile, he pats my back on his way out. 

It's true, I'll never love anyone the same way I love Eliza. 

I don't want to complicate this whole thing we've got but at this point I'm speechless, I can't seem to begin to form the words that describe my feelings for her.