I don't need this. I don't need anyone. This was something I used to think. Something I would believe in as I glanced through profile after profile and felt small tears riding down my face. How could I need someone when he had broken my heart so badly? Why the hell would I want something like this when all it had ever brought was pain?
Using stupid pick up lines and trying to connect to someone, I stopped on your face. Reading through your summary wasn't that interesting and I decided not to contact you. Stupid mistake on my part, huh?
But the next day, I was surprised to see that you had sent me a message. However, I didn't think anything of it and I shrugged it off and I gave a half-assed response, thinking nothing of it. That day, you contacted me again and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. I gave you my number as I did with two others that day, because I wasn't going to get my hopes up on one person, for fear of falling and being destroyed again and again.
I was planning, building my inner kingdom again. Trust was nowhere to be seen, as it had been destroyed only one month before by a stupid guy who had led me on only to completely murder my self-confidence and my sense of love.
It didn't happen at first, but as I texted you for the first couple of days, I found that you were nice enough to trust, so I stopped contact with the others and decided to give you my full attention. You asked for a Skype call, and being awkward and lonely, as well as hurt and untrusting, I went ahead and said yes against my best judgement.
The most awkward moment passed after I talked to you for two hours. I was instantly hooked on you and felt like I needed to contact you again.
You singlehandedly started pushing me to learn to trust again, and I think it's safe to say that you are the only think on my mind nowadays. You got me to laugh again, you got me to trust people, but most importantly, you made it so I can stand up for myself against others, as I hadn't done that for so long for fear of not being accepted.
Although I don't know how you feel all the wall, although you've told me sometimes, I can't help but to think that I may be in love with you. Although I haven't met you in person, I don't seem to care anymore. Yes, I want to take this one step at a time, I tell myself now, but I wanted you to read this because I can't keep this to myself anymore.
Everytime we talk, my heart fills with a weird emotion and I can feel it pounding as if butterflies were clogging my arteries. You are so wonderful, and although with your friends you don't seem to care as much, it's fine. You're a guy and you're not going to say how you feel in front of your friends, duh. But I love that when we talk, you can say things without feeling uncomfortable and it makes me happy. When you laugh, it makes my day brighter, and I can't feel more at ease with anybody else.
So I think it's safe to say this. I'm going to go at your pace, I promise, although patience isn't a strong virtue of mine. But, I want to be able to call you mine and I want to tell you that I may be in love with you because of who you are. And whenever you feel comfortable saying either or these things is fine with me, if you so wish. But seriously, you are my new sun and I've been praying and wishing upon star after star for something so wonderful, and you are the answer to these wishes and prayers, I know it.
Sorry if this is a bit weird or rushed, but I just wanted you to know the whole story and why you're so special to me. I hope you like this story. And when I write my novel, which is somewhat finished, you are going to be the ending of the story, I can rest assured, but only if you want to be.
