Lets Talk About It

Placing both hands over my ears as a wave of shock takes over me, my whole-body switches from hot to cold, like someone threw a bucket of water over me. Knees shaking, unable to maintain my weight, finally gave away as I kneel to the floor. My breathing unable to keep a rhythm, struggling to hold a breath or even breathing in, my chest hurts from it as my heart races a million miles, enough to hear it the drumming in my head. Staring at the ground beneath me, unable to move a muscle.

My eyes welled up with tears, running out my face. I hate feeling like this, it always happens randomly when everything is so silent but your head is the loudest thing you hear! I always think the worst outcome, always expecting something good, when I know it will never be what I wish.

Big D kneels in front me, rubbing a hand on my head. " Come back to me Mute, you're alright. I'm here for you. Remember to breath. We can do it together.". He starts counting in his own language, I don't mind it, it's soothing but I count in English. Lifting my head to look into those amber eyes, they're a rare genetic that are a myth to many, easily mistaken as brown eyes.

I continue to count along with him, slowly and on point. My heart slows down, body feeling calmer and tears stop flowing. He lightly grabs both my hands with his own, still counting "three, two one and breath out" He lifts me from of the ground, keeping my stable on my feet.

He removed a hand and placed it on my back, slowly moving his feet. Before I could figure out what he was trying to do, he swayed side to side, taking different steps at a time. I soon followed suit to the best of my abilities, my mask can barely see what's directly to my side or my feet below and beyond my view but we were clearly dancing. I'm not much of a dancer but it feels comforting.

We're lucky that we are doing this on a roof top and away from everyone to see. It's night time and dead silence. It's also cold, the wind barely whispering in the air and no clouds in the sky, just a full brightly lit moon, so magnificent in all its glory.

"How are you feeling? Feeling better I hope, I know dancing seems a bit odd but the floor isn't your place to be on" Big D gives a half heartlet giggle at the situation, trying to not seem he was brushing it of but his voice did grow of concern.

"I'm feeling a lot better now, thank you. I'm sorry for scaring - "

"Don't be sorry for feeling like this, it's not your fault. It's perfectly okay for you to do it, you need to let your emotions flow, don't suppress it. A lot can happen to you while you're in that moment, not mentally but physically too. I've seen too many people go through what you did and never...make it out afterwards. Mute, I can feel your pain. Even with that mask on, you cannot hide it from me. If you need to talk about something, you can tell me anything. I won't run away or abandon you, not like others before you did. People who leave you in the mess you were just in now. Are scum, useless and pathetic pieces of trash, who only used you." He's voiced almost raised but he quickly corrects himself and apologies.

I just stare at him in awe, no one has ever gotten mad at others for hurting me before but there are times where I feel like I was the problem they left. Mainly due to my anxiety.

"I know D, I know I shouldn't feel bad for feeling like this but it's hard to explain or even tell someone about the feelings I have because they won't understand" I look down at where I think my feet would be, still trying to dancing with him.

"Is it about the whole thing, thing?! If it is about that, I totally understand. I have had a read about it and-" He awkwardly tried to explain what he thinks I'm worried about but I cut himself before he can further scramble his brain of the topic.

"No, it's not that" I giggled. "It's something else that's bothering me but I think I can overcome it, if I try." I go quiet, awaiting he's responds.

"Oh? So, it isn't about "that thing"?! oh good god, I was going to give you some tips on what I found out and-" He stopped once again, taking noticed he was still trying to explain himself but it only made me laugh. "Anyway..." he coughs deeply "What's been bothering you?".

He stopped the dance, pulls away from me but still hand one hand on mine. He walks us to somewhere we can take a seat on, the surface was cold to the touch but didn't let it bother me. I take a seat next to him, making sure to face him before starting, he sits there patiently waiting for me to start.

I eventually take a deep breath then late it out "I have two situations. That kind of collide in a way but one isn't a bother as much as the other one." I say in a calming voice, placing both hand mind way in front of me to explain what I'm talking about.

"Okay, I understand. We don't worry about problem on your left-hand aka B problem. Tell me about that one first, then you can tell me about problem on your right-hand aka A problem, after/ Because that seems to be the biggest, long one. In my opinion" Big D explains in a way that he understood and I nodded in agreement.