The world around Oliver is spinning. Everything around him is but a blur, the loud voices on the television felt like they were only getting softer and softer, as his thoughts started to consume him, the clock on the wall looked like it wasn't moving an inch, it felt like time was frozen at that moment. There was no one home, but Oliver. Adelaide was out right now, and for what Oliver just couldn't remember. He couldn't let Adelaide see him like this.
He just has to keep going.
Oliver's mental state was like sending a bike down a steep hill-it wasn't good. As he got further down the hill, the faster his mental state came to crashing. The urge had hit him like a bus. The temptation to hurt was overwhelming. The stress of college, the stress of his job, his anxiety, his depression were all working together to make his life equally worse. There was so much that he just couldn't say to Adelaide, any time he tried, the words felt like glass in his throat, and he wouldn't budge. But rather than removing the glass, he just left it there, to sit, and rip up his insides further.
It's been a month or two since he's allowed himself to regress. Every time that warm, sweet, familiar feeling graced his presence, he smashed it, reminded himself that he's not a child, not a baby anymore. He can't keep up this stupid game anymore. He and Adelaide were adults. Both with jobs, and a house, and on top of that, Oliver was still attending college. There was so much happening right now and he couldn't ruin it with his stupid feelings.
But Oliver would be lying if he said he didn't miss the way Adelaide held him. The way Adelaide's soft voice melted each and every worry, every problem was immediately solved when Adelaide's safe, and soft arms wrapped around his frail, and fragile body. He missed it, he longed for it once more, to feel that happiness, and that bliss once more.
Soft sobs came from Oliver's chapped lips, as he sat in the living room, on their soft gray couch, crying into himself. Adelaide deserved someone better than him. He didn't know why Adelaide loved him, decided to rent a house with him. This stupid coping mechanism was going to be the end of him. Shame welled up in his heart, as more tears poured down his soft, pale face.
Anxiety ate away at him, as the only noise in the house, was his sobs. He was so tired he was so frustrated with life. He wanted to crawl into bed for a week and not get up. Oliver needed a break, he needed an escape.
He needed to regress.
But he smothered the thought. As he continued to cry, as the clock kept on silently ticking, mocking Oliver as he sat there, sobbing.
Oliver didn't know how long it had been, but his crying was interrupted by the familiar sound of the front door swinging open. Shit, Adelaide was home. Oliver quickly wiped his tears, and sprung up from the couch to greet his girlfriend.
"Welcome home my beloved!" Oliver cursed himself for sounding so raspy, as he helped Adelaide carry the groceries she had bought to the kitchen island. As she placed the plastic bags on the marble island, Adelaide was rather quiet, and instead of putting away the groceries, she silently stared at Oliver.
"Oliver, are you ok?" Came her soft voice, the same soft voice that Adelaide had always used when she was comforting him. That damned voice that made him melt, that made him so weak that he wished he could just collapse into Adelaide right now. His knees were becoming weak, but he didn't want Adelaide to know, he just couldn't. So he turned his attention to the groceries, placing his hands in the plastic bags to sift through them.
"I'm all good Addie, what are you talkin' about?" Oliver flashed a fake smile, as he put the heavy jug of milk in the fridge. He went to put more groceries away, to distract himself from Adelaide's worried expression. As he picked up the bottle of orange juice, he heard the blonde sigh, does this mean Adelaide would give up for now? Maybe this sigh was some sort of surrender?
It was anything but that, instead, it was Adelaide doing the opposite. Adelaide reached for the bottle, and placed it on the counter, as he pressed herself to Oliver's back, while her arms gently wrapped around his waist. Oliver froze at his girlfriend's touch. No, no, no. He couldn't let himself drag Adelaide down like this. He couldn't make Adelaide worry about all his problems. He couldn't be a bother. He couldn't-
Out of thin air, tears found their way onto Oliver's cheeks for the second time that day. He was trying so hard to keep everything in, to not bother Adelaide, to try and do this, and force himself to be happy, to be ok. But he couldn't keep the front up while Adelaide held him like this, Oliver felt all the walls around his emotions, the walls he had tried so hard to keep up, collapsing.
As Oliver cried, Adelaide only pressed herself further into her boyfriend. "It's ok." She whispered. "Ollie, it's ok." She whispered holding the sobbing boy softly. "Do you wanna sit down?" Adelaide asked, loosening her grip on the boy.
With a hesitant nod, Oliver agreed to sit on their couch. Once Adelaide had sat down, she carefully pulled Oliver next to her, and into her arms. More crying followed after that.
"It's all so much, I can't do it." The brown-haired boy cried, staining Adelaide's pink jacket with his tears. His hands came to clutch Adelaide's jacket, as he shook in his girlfriend's arms. He was fighting so many different things at once, his mind was in such a state of turmoil he could barely think anymore.
"Ollie, baby it's ok. Mommy's here. Come now, is my sweet boy there?" Adelaide coos gently, petting Oliver's hair sweetly, as she presses small butterfly kisses around Oliver's face. "You don't need to think anymore, you don't need to do anything. All you need to do is be my precious little boy." Adelaide says, her voice smooth as silk.
Oliver looks at Adelaide with his those bloodshot, gray eyes. She's right. Adelaide is always right. Adelaide always takes care of him. Mommy always makes sure she's happy, and Mommy's always so sweet, and kind, and he loves mommy so much. Slowly but surely, Oliver shifts into littlespace, as Adelaide gently rocks him back and forth in her arms.
Oliver is sniffling in Adelaide's arms, as Adelaide reaches her hand over to the nightstand, to grab a pacifier, and gently pop it in her little's mouth. "There you go my sweet one, everything's ok now. Mommy's gotcha now." The blonde smiles as she feels the little nod into her chest.
"M' showwy mommy..." Oliver whimpers behind his pacifier quietly, cuddling into Adelaide's chest, as he sniffled softly.
The blonde shook her head, and smiled. "No, no darling, there's nothing for you to be sorry about." Adelaide pressed a gentle kiss to Oliver's head, and wrapped her arms tighter around Oliver's fragile body. "Why don't we get you baba hm? You must be hungry~" she teased, softly poking the little's cute cheeks.
Oliver nodded in agreement, slowly and sleepily getting off of Adelaide's lap to settle down into the soft couch cushions. His caregiver only smiled, pressing one last kiss to her little's head, before getting off the couch. To keep Oliver from whining, or getting impatient, Adelaide flicked on the T.V to a colorful kid's anime to keep him busy.
With the little distracted, Adelaide made her way to the kitchen, to make Oliver's milk. As she grabbed the milk from the fridge and the formula, her brain went onto autopilot, as she zoned out for a few moments. It wasn't until the beeping of the microwave snapped her out of her thoughts.
A quick test to her wrist and Adelaide decided the milk was the perfect temperature. With the purple bottle in hand, she sat back down on the couch, Oliver quickly crawling into her lap. He was always such a lap baby...
Oliver spit his pacifier out, and whined. "Baba!" He whined out, making grabby hands to the milk, as he bounced up and down on Adelaide's lap.
"What do we say when we want things honey?" Adelaide coos softly, brushing Oliver's soft brunette bangs out of his face.
"Pwease mommy? Can I have baba?" Oliver asks, reaching for the bottle once more.
Adelaide can only chuckle, as she hands the bottle to Oliver, and greedily drinks it up. "Not so fast darling, easy, easy." The blonde says gently, petting the little's hair softly. "That's it, that's it." She shushed, rocking the little back and forth. "It's alright Ollie, I'm here, easy baby. Mommy's here." She whispered, bringing the two to lie down, with Oliver lying on her chest, as she placed the bottle on the coffee table.
"Mommy, I wuv you..." Oliver smiled happily, cuddling into his caregiver's neck sleepily, shutting his eyes and breathing in Adelaide's scent.
"I love you too baby, I'll always be here for you, you don't need to keep all your feelings from Mommy. I'm always here my love." Adelaide whispers, as she feels Oliver nod sleepily and yawn. "I love you Ollie."
"I wuv you too." He mumbles, falling asleep on his caregiver's chest.
The two fall asleep cuddling on the couch. For a moment, Oliver stirrs. Adelaide's warm arms are around him, holding him, and conveying so many emotions, and sweet promises, of protection. The feeling of being taken care of, this feeling of protection and warmth and love. Oliver allows himself to fall asleep, surrounded by these beautiful feelings, that he promises he won't ever deny again.
