MARKHYUCK - Alexithymia

00.

"Remember, Donghyuck. Take all of the happy moments you've had, and tuck them away in your brain," Donghyucks father said. "No, no. Don't cry. Crying makes you weak. Don't disappoint me again. Losing your mother because of you was enough, you don't deserve the life you got. Be grateful you're under this roof and not walking in the streets."

Alexithymia — A term to describe problems with feeling emotions. In fact, this Greek term used in Freudian psychodynamic theories loosely translates to "no words for emotion."

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Whenever Donghyuck was born, his mother passed away. His father never accepted the fact that Donghyuck couldn't help or change the fact his mother was gone.

"Mr. Lee?" The doctor called Donghyuck's father, Donghyun. He practically jolted from his seat, "Is my wife okay? Can I see her?" Donghyun asked frantically, barely letting himself breathe between words.

The doctor took a long pause, her breath getting choked up in her throat. "Mr. Lee... due to internal bleeding, your wife passed away 12 minutes after your son's birth. My condolences to both you and your family."

Donghyun froze, his heart pounding rapidly. He couldn't believe what he just heard. His wife died? He looked up to the doctor. She smiled a warm smile, before stating the following,

"Your wife's words before she died was a request to hold her baby, in which she named Donghyuck. Please take care of him well in honor of his late mother."

Donghyun was furious, how could she make light in such a situation? His wife was dead due to that little monster of a child whose name was way too close to his. The doctor led the way for him to see the baby, he saw the baby behind a glass in a bed being attended to by more nurses and doctors,

a little baby, probably not any more than a couple of inches, with honey skin and a face already looking like his mother.

That night, Donghyuck had not yet been allowed to leave the hospital. So, Donghyun went home by himself, no child, no wife. Just him. He walked into the nursery that he and his wife had just months before had put thought into, over the moon knowing that together we're starting a family. And now, it was all ruined. All because of him.

He ran his fingers along the green blanket they had bought for their son, he couldn't believe so much happened in such a short amount of time. He would've preferred having his wife over that kid, he didn't even want to say the kid was his. Much less have the same last name.

He was going to make sure Donghyuck knew just how much pain he put him in. If Donghyun couldn't be happy, neither could Donghyuck. "What a worthless child.." He muttered under his breath, it took everything in him to not break everything in the room, and tell the doctors he simply didn't want the kid, and to give him away, throwing him out would be a better option.

Even if it wasn't right away, maybe even in 10 years, Donghyun was going to let him know how much his very existence made him feel. He was going to feel everything.