Free Falls and Second Chances

Chapter 9

Gio's POV

Nari was one of my biggest regrets.

At hindi dahil sa nakilala ko siya. No, not like that at all.

I met Nari at a time when I was at the most unstable period of my life. I was only 22 when our paths first crossed. 22- a breadwinner, with a lot of delayed dreams, unresolved issues in life, and a job that paid barely enough to help my family get through.

I liked her at first sight, yes. She was like my complete opposite. She possessed the qualities I wish I had more of- strength and that bright spirit that just seemed to affect everyone around her. Independent din sya, and God, she may not be a total headturner, but at that time, she looked so beautiful to me. Ewan ko ba. There was just something about her that drew me in. And even when I saw her imperfections, her flaws, patuloy pa rin akong nahuhulog sa kanya.

Dinaig ng attraction na yun yung logical na parte ng pagkatao ko. Wala eh. Masaya ako sa kanya. And perhaps, just like a moth, I just couldn't resist her. Hindi naging kami, pero parang kami. No label relationship. We did stuff na dapat magjowa lang yung gumagawa.

I really wanted to treat her like a princess. I wanted her to see her worth. I wanted her to realize how beautiful she is. And it didn't take long for me to start opening up my walls for her.

And it scared me.

I had serious trust issues.

So serious na kahit yung namumuong feelings ko sa kanya ay di kayang i-overcome yun.

Napuno ako ng what ifs. Wala kaming assurance. She was still with someone else. Di nya maiwan yun, at least not at the time being. Nauunawaan ko naman. I wanted to stay but haaay... Parang wala din naman kasing patutunguhan eh.

Still, it scared me to tell her the truth about how I felt. It scared me to know what she might have been thinking, too. It scared me to hurt her, kahit na alam kong pareha lang namang ikakasakit yung gagawin ko sa kanya.

Alam ko. What I did was selfish.

But I just needed to give myself a space to breathe.

Besides, she doesn't deserve me at this state. I was damn fcked up. I was a mess.

Kaya pikit-mata kong tinalikuran ang lahat ng meron kami.

I ghosted her. No goodbyes. No whatsoever. Just stopped communicating. Umiwas, ganun.

Ilang beses nya rin akong kinulit after that day, pero di na ako nag respond.

Hanggang sa isang araw, bigla na lang syang tumigil.

I kept stalking her social media account, pero puro shared posts na lang andun.

Ayoko rin namang magtanong sa mga kaibigan nya. I know they were disappointed at me for hurting her.

Gone was the girl na palihim kong inaasahang bumisita sa cafe na pinagtatrabahuan ko.

Gone was my Nari.

It was only a year after that I heard about what really happened. And it fcked me up even more.

I bitterly smiled at myself. Kahit nung nasa Davao na ako, walang ni isang araw na di ko sya naiisip. Kahit nung mga panahong nagkaroon na ako ng bago, iilang bago, which never worked out kasi sya pa rin naman yung hinahanap ko.

Her smiles. Her embrace. Her sweet kisses. Her scent. Damn, everything about her.

Naabot ko na nga yung mga ginusto ko. Pero yung taong minsan kong sinayang, di ko alam kung maaabot ko pa ba ulit.